Ekkehard Beinssen’s Uncensored Letters from Malabar
Internment Camp, Long Bay, July 1940 to February 1941
Translated from the German by Silke Beinssen-Hesse
14.7.1940
My dear, good and brave Haseli! I am only
allowed to write two letters of 120 words a week which have to go through the
censor. Perhaps I’ll be able to get this one to you on Monday. We are well and
taking it all in good stead so you don’t need to worry about me. Now I’ll
report chronologically. I hope you can read my writing. I am writing in my cell
where there is a pleasantly muted light which wouldn’t even hurt Holm’s eyes.
So: My consort of honor was a delight and
my arrest and transportation a comedy. After I had seen first you and then
Edgewater disappear I was brought back to reality in the first curve when I was
almost suffocated by my collapsed mattress. From then on I fought a wild battle
against death by suffocation till we arrived at the hotel just before the Harbor
Bridge, where we stopped as agreed. There we started the night with a few
drinks to celebrate my arrest. Then we went on to Aaron’s Exchange Hotel where
we had a few more starters and then consumed toheroa soup, lobster mayonnaise
and ice cream. We had some bottles of beer to go with that. Having gorged
ourselves thus, we arose. But in the lounge my companions met friends and asked
would I mind if we joined them for a bit. I was decent and said I didn’t mind
and there we then continued to drink till nine. One of these friends was the
comedian Lennie Lower, drunk as a lord and therefore somewhat disappointing as
a ‘wise cracker’. In between, my escorts left me and I could move around the
whole hotel freely and so was able to give you a ring. Eventually the older man
came back and said that it was now time to put me to bed. Upon my inquiry,
whether we shouldn’t take the other fellow along he said that he was
unfortunately dead to the world. He couldn’t take much.
So we went back to the mattress in the car and
off we drove to Long Bay at sixty miles an hour. Because of the tempo and the
impaired sobriety of my chauffeur I hid behind my mattress like a coward. We
lost our way a few times and three times I got out and asked passers-by,
politely raising my hat: “Can you tell me how I can get to jail?” or “Can you
tell me the quickest way to get to jail?” I have rarely seen people pull such
funny faces. Eventually we arrived and after a lot of tooting the gate was
opened. Then off we went up the long drive to the women’s prison for that is
where we are accommodated. By now it was almost 10pm and the doorman and -woman
gave us an earful because we were so late. I should have been taken to a city
lockup overnight. Then, loaded up like a mule, I dragged my mattress, blankets,
bag, coat etc. into the reception hall where I was ‘checked’. I could take
along everything except money, pencil and pen. I was allowed to keep the books
after my ‘friend’ had declared that I was a learned man and the books were
purely scientific. I was given a receipt for my valuables and the detective one
for me and that done, I was ‘in’. Then I loaded myself up with my possessions
once more and strolled off to one of the many prison buildings in the company
of a policeman. The gate was opened with much rattling of keys and clanking of
iron, cell no 26 was unlocked, and I was given two minutes to make my bed and
unpack. Then the light was turned off. There I remained by myself until seven
in the morning.
Cell number 26 is two meters wide and three
and half meters long. The four walls, half a meter thick, have been tastefully
painted in shit-brown and grey-green. The window, two and a half meters from
the floor, has two bars and opaque, slanted glass. The furniture consists of a
hammock with a thin palliasse, a stool, two little corner shelves, a toilet
bucket and a jug of water. Full stop. My predecessor had cut out newspaper
advertisements of the Grace Brothers Furniture Department (armchairs, dream
beds, tables and a wonderful bowl of fruit and other treats) and stuck them on
the wall. Above them is written ‘The Ideal Room’.
Daily routine: At seven line up with your
buckets, march off to the disposal place, then wash outside in bowls. At seven
thirty in single file to the kitchen. Breakfast consists of porridge with
lumps, a loaf of white bread, a tin mug with weak tea, four ounces of brown
sugar. Full stop. Then we are locked into our one-man cells again to eat so
that we don’t fight each other for these treasures. Then return of cutlery etc.
and off into the yard which is then also locked. This is as large as our back
lawn up to the garden shed. There we stay till twelve. Then off to get lunch.
Lunch consists of mutton, gravy, pumpkin, a small potato and tea. Then we are
locked up again for one and a half hours. Then back into the yard till three
thirty. We get our dinner and then we are locked up again till seven in the
morning. Dinner consists of a grey gruel soup and tea. At nine o’clock the
light is turned off. We are allowed to have a hot bath every few days.
There are about fourteen Germans and
sixteen Italians here. Twenty-one of these were recently brought down from
Orange to fight their appeals in court. I only knew five of them but met a very
nice chap called Koll, an engineer, who reminds me ridiculously of R. in looks
and nature. The other Germans are mainly tradesmen, with the exception of two
or three whose names I had heard. A response to my application to appeal can be
expected in about six to eight days. But if it is approved, it is likely to
take a few weeks before I come before the court and then a while longer before
the doubtful order for release is signed. It is possible that I will go to
Orange before that if a batch of fifty men has accumulated by then. The
Italians here are not very exciting; but they are behaving themselves. We can
take hot baths every few days. – I don’t find the whole business in the
slightest difficult as long as I know that you are all well and that you are
not worried on my behalf. The seventeen hours of solitary confinement can do
everyone good.
The supervisors are all very decent. I am
glad Holm has not turned up yet. I don’t want him to visit me. Mrs. Bergmann is
very sick and asked for money. Tell Baker to send Honey with some money. – If
this letter business works, then we will do that on every visiting day. The
seventeen hours of ‘solitary confinement’ can do us all good. I don’t need
anything except what I asked Moore to see to. And on Mondays we can order
groceries. My regards to Mrs. T. and John and to my friend X [Xavier Herbert].
Many thanks that you were so brave and didn’t cry in front of the detectives. I
hope there wasn’t a belated reaction. I love you …. Your Ekke
17.7.40
My poor dear
Haseli! It was so lovely of you to come already on Monday to visit me. It was
such a pleasure to see you. You really have it hard, you poor dear. First the
worry about me and then the responsibility for the sick children and the worry
about them. But I want to make it quite clear to you once again that there is
really no need to worry about me. It sounds terrible if you say you are locked
up alone in a cell for 17 hours. But it isn’t at all. I read, I can think about
things deeply without interruption and if it gets too boring I learn sections
of Zarathustra off by heart. So I’m
100% O.K. I received your books, three of them, the very same day and all
food-stuff and smokes the next day. So it worked well. Many thanks, my Love.
Now I won’t need anything for some time. – I am worried about the children. I
would so love to be with you and help you. I hope it won’t be anything worse than
bronchitis. Don’t save on taxis and costs of this kind when you come and if Hans
can’t drive you always take a taxi. Money doesn’t matter at the moment. We have
spent a lot on other people and can now spend some on ourselves, particularly
as the bill for my whiskey is no longer an item. I am not missing alcohol. I
found the photos of you, Gisela and the house in the cover of the book and was
delighted. New people are arriving every day and it is to assumed that we will
stay here for a few weeks more and be sent to Orange before our court cases.
Germans whom I didn’t mention last time are: Otto Seidel, Liebesknecht [sic!],
Griese . We don’t know the others. When new people come in we all have our eyes
at the peep-holes. Like real ‘jail-birds’. If you want to come outside visiting
hours tell the warder ‘that you must see your husband on business’. Then they
have to let you in. Bring my cheque-book in and then I’ll sign a cheque pro forma. That should do. The others
are doing the same. – We are allowed to write two official letters on
Thursdays, but they take over a fortnight and no one here has yet received a
letter. Those seem to take even longer. Always ring the office before you come
and ask whether there is anything new. (Now I at least have a decent pencil.
The paper is our toilet paper.) Moore hasn’t been here again. But I assume he
will be coming today or tomorrow so that I can sign my ‘Objection’. At four
o’clock in the afternoon we are locked up again so there is no sense in coming
after 3.45pm, even ‘on business’. But please come only if you have a really
good conscience about leaving the children. The children are now of greatest
importance. Once they are well again everything is O.K. I think of you, Gisela
and the children all the time and will be glad if you can report that everyone
is well again. And don’t get upset if things don’t always work, as with the
parcels on Monday. We had ten good months and can be grateful for that. – To
start the car in the morning or if it hasn’t been driven for a while you have
to pull out the choke about one and a quarter inch and then press the starter
button without stepping on the gas. As soon as it starts, step on the gas
firmly twice and then play with it. If the motor dies again repeat the
procedure. And after a mile you can gradually push the choke right in again.
(Every car has its idiosyncrasies.)
Bring me half a dozen new photos every time you come. I’d also like the
one of you on the steps beside the frangipani, even though you don’t like it.
Give everyone my regards. And I hope the
children get well quickly, for your sake too. And tell my friend [Xavier
Herbert] if you see him to forget me ‘for the time being’ and that the best thing
he can do for me is to finish his book quickly in just the way he feels it
should be done. He isn’t to get any silly ideas. And regards to the other
friend too. Three cheers for freedom and for his freedom.
And now we are going to be let out into the
‘pen’ in a minute, so I’ll finish. Many thousand kisses, your E.
(In Orange food and all else is supposed to
be very good, all except sleeping arrangements.)
18.7.40 Mein liebes gutes Kerlchen! I know what it means for you to make
the long trip from Collaroy to here every few days. And so I find it
particularly lovely of you that you intend to come again tomorrow. But please
come twice a week only if you are sure it is not too much. I can’t say how much
I enjoy seeing you even if it is only for a short time. At least I see you that
way, see that you are well and hear whether all is right at home. It was
wonderful to hear last time that the children were better and it was nothing
serious. It is now questionable whether we will be sent to Orange at all before
our court cases come up. We are now 56. All the new ones are Italians except for
two or three Germans we don’t know. Yesterday Fred, the ski teacher from
Kosciusko arrived. Sadie and husband were talking about him. He is a nice chap
for whom you could please also order some groceries tomorrow. I’ll write the
things onto my list. He hasn’t got money here. – I am still well and beginning
to feel quite at home in my cell. I have no problem with solitariness and to
hear that the children are better again makes things still better. When you
come next time, i.e. tomorrow, you will have to tell me what you have told the
children about where I am and whether they are missing their father. Today a
wave of optimism swept through the camp and everybody was sure that it won’t be
long before we are released. I am still not particularly optimistic about being
released. – It was wonderful to see you
again yesterday. Hamilton is a fine fellow, don’t you agree? I can’t really
complain about anything here. The food is usually quite edible and you can buy
extras. Anyone who can’t is supplied by the others. The warders are very decent
and we are not cold either. Apart from that one has a sense of humor and can
laugh about experiencing the life of a convict in spite of being an educated
person who has committed no crime. Because new people are admitted every day we
also hear a bit about what is going on in the world. In the beginning I tried
to read out in the yard but it is impossible. So I now only read in my cell and
have learnt quite a lot that is new about the Welteislehre [a now redundant theory of ice in outer space,
particularly on the moon], details
that I missed or didn’t understand properly at the first reading. I am more and
more convinced that Hörbiger’s theory is in principle correct, even though
there are inaccuracies and mistakes in its application. I’ll finish for today and leave some room in
case I remember something important. Now I’ll do a few exercises, read a few
chapters of Zarathustra, and then go
to bed with the Welteislehre. Regards
to all in Collaroy and in the office. To you, Gisela and the children lots of
kisses. Your Ekke.
I just had a look at the two photos of you.
I do love you so very very much, Haseken, […]
20.7.40 […] I am starting to feel like an ‘oldtimer’
and even my stomach has also got used to the new routine. The bucket is now
only being used as a waste-paper-basket.
Did you run into Mr. Innes when you left on
Friday? He was extremely nice and offered to do everything he could for me. He
also said his house in Manly or ‘Banff’ were available to you. He didn’t know
that you were allowed to stay on at ‘Edgewater’. In case you didn’t thank him,
please ring him and say a few nice words. He is really a marvelous old fellow.
I know that you don’t like telephoning but please do it all the same. –
Every day there are new faces. It seems
that they are beginning to bring in all the naturalized Germans. I am still
alone in my cell and hope to stay so. I have improved the light in my cell by
putting my shaving mirror behind it as a reflector. […]
My cell mates are two flies and a little
spider. The flies are well behaved as they are content with the honey in the
wonderful flowers you brought along from the garden last time. The spider must
have come in with the flowers. […]
I was glad to hear that so far everyone in Collaroy
has been nice to you. In a few hours I’ll see you! A thousand greetings and
kisses, your Ekke.
24.7.40 [Engl., official letter]
On Tuesday we were transferred from Long
Bay to Orange and I suppose I will stay here till shortly before my case comes
to be heard at the Court. Orange is paradise compared with Long Bay. I don’t
expect you to come this weekend but when you come next week make sure, if
possible, that I am still here, so that you won’t undertake the trip in vain.
If you can’t manage to come, you know that it is quite alright. I would like
you to bring or send along: sketchbook, broad carpenter’s pencil, rubber,
soup-plate, flat plate, cup, knife etc., change of underclothing, photos of you
and kids. When writing to me you must address your letters: E.B., Internment
Camp Orange, c/o District Censor, 45 Reservoir Street, Sydney. I am thinking of
you and the family such a lot, but better not bring the children up yet. Love
to you all. Ekke
30.7.40 [Engl., official
letter)
I was pleased to see you last weekend and
hear from you that everybody is getting on so well. It is so tough to have to
miss such a lot out of their lives but I can hardly await next Saturday, when
you will bring along Silke and Uwe. I have got the suitcase with all the
things. I am half through the Rhodes book and love it. It is a real treasure. I
am studying hard at Russian and play a lot of chess in the evenings. I am
getting good at it. My Russian teacher sends his regards and apologies for
being so short last Sunday. He said you looked like 18 and wouldn’t believe we
had three kids till I showed him their photos. He has a boy of 15 and loves
children. Love and kisses to you all, Yours Ekke.
30.7.40
Orange.
My dear good Haseken! I wrote an official
letter to you today with nothing in it. But maybe you’ll get some pleasure from
it all the same. The weather is beautiful today. If it is like that on the
coming weekend then Silke’s birthday should be a great success. I am looking
forward like mad to you and the kids! – Don’t be annoyed that you were a bit
agitated last time. It was a real revelation to me that you loved me so much
and though in one way it is bad that it is so hard for you to be separated from
me, it is also wonderful to know that it’s not easy for you and that you care
so much. Even though I don’t show it, believe me, it is hard for me too to be
separated. I try to fight against this ‘nostalgia’ and overcome it through
working hard and keeping busy. But one thing is certain, that my love for you
is quite young and fresh again and that I am in love with you as though I had
only just fallen in love […]
1.8.40
Yesterday the rumor swept through the camp that we
were to be sent to Tatura as early as 16th August. But officially it
is being denied by the Commandant. If that is the case, I will try if at all
possible to be sent to Long Bay. There I can at least see you twice a week.
Perhaps they will also leave those whose court cases have not yet come up here
or in Long Bay. I really don’t want to go to Victoria. Funny. Up to now I was
always a ‘lone wolf’; now I am so strongly attached to you and to the children,
with whom I count my dear, good, sweet Gisela. – This evening we are to move
into the new barracks. But it probably won’t be till tomorrow. We Long Bayists
have formed a group of our own and invited von Drehnen, Hölterhoff and a second
genuine Norwegian to join us. They are all decent people. They asked me to be
group leader but I declined. Now it is Paul, the Reichswehr soldier. It is a
thankless task and I also prefer to use my time to read or to learn Russian. I
am making good progress and am looking forward to getting the new grammar book.
I haven’t done any drawing yet. That is due to the wonderful book you gave me.
It is absolutely fascinating. What will interest my friend is that the first
convict ships landed here at precisely the time that the constitution of the
U.S.A. was ratified. I won’t elaborate on the connection. The days pass quickly
here. So far I have always played chess in the evenings, with Bergmann, Meyer,
Henry, Weissflog etc. But that is about to be curtailed since I would prefer to
use the long evenings for learning Russian. I was delighted with the large
photos of the children. If possible, I will hang them up in our new quarters.
And if you have time, do see whether you can find the big one of yourself. As
far as books go I would like: Die Gesetze
der Fortpflanzung [The laws of inheritance] and Man the Unknown (Carrell). Perhaps
you can slip the German one into your coat pocket to save time. But don’t bring
too many books since they are a nuisance when you have to move. You are coming
the day after tomorrow! Hurrah! Lots of kisses, Your E.
6.8.40 My dear sweet Haseken! I hope you had a good drive back home. I can
imagine that it would have been quite hard to start the car in the cold on
Monday. In out huts the water was frozen 1cm thick in the basins. It was milder
again tonight.
It was so wonderful to see you and the
children on the weekend. Three weeks isn’t very long but I noticed that the children
have developed. There’s been quite a change and they both look very well. They
were really very well behaved. It is good that they don’t understand the
significance of the barbed wire yet. Now they are probably going to pester you
each weekend to be allowed to come along. They made a very good impression on
everyone who saw them and my fatherly heart beat higher. And you looked so
young and pretty again. I like your new hairdo. – I met a very nice fellow called Heini, a
seaman-stoker who jumped ship. A wonderful person who has known a lot of hardship.
He can’t go back home for political reasons and has a wife and three children
in Hamburg [...] His wife was to follow with the children but at the last
minute she called it off so he has now lost his family as he can’t go back. Isn’t
that a tragic fate. Next Sunday I’ll introduce him to you. You’ll like him.
Yesterday five Italians are supposed to have been released. – We have now made a submission to Victoria
Barracks to be allowed to stay here. It probably won’t be of any use. When we
voted whether the submission should be made, 25 actually voted to be sent to
Tatura but by far the majority wanted to stay here. We don’t know anything
definite about when the move was to be made.
7.7.40
We have just loaded wood and in doing so drove
round on the truck a bit. It was a bit of a diversion. Then I sat in the sun in
a less frequented spot and looked at all your photos. My dear family. Seven
years ago there was only me […] – Now it’s time for lunch. In the afternoon 100
men are coming from Long Bay, among them 39 Germans. I hope some who I hope
will remain free will not be among them. – The newest rumor now is that we are
all going to Hay and none of us to Tatura. But it seems pretty certain that we
will be leaving here in three weeks. – I am still enjoying Pacific Pageant and Russian is going very well; but it’s all really
‘make-believe’. The worst is that you lose so much time and miss so much of the
children’s lives and the hours and days and experiences with you. Last night it
was unusually cold and I was freezing for the first time. But I have worked out
a way to prevent that happening again. During the day the weather has always
been quite beautiful and at lunchtime today it was really quite warm.
8.8.40 The weather today is splendid. One could lie naked in the sun
without feeling cold. My cold has almost gone. Yesterday afternoon 39 Germans
arrived, most of them from New Guinea. Acquaintances: Furter (who financed our
expedition with Ah Chi), Parkinson, the grandson of ‘Queen Emma’, Werner (Trude’s
brother), Janke (the brother of the man whose wedding I attended) and the
little missionary from Salamaua, (the successor of missionary Beier with whom I
stayed while I was waiting for the steamer after my time in hospital). Others I
do not know. There are a whole lot of Protestant missionaries and 7 Catholic
who have stayed in LB. For the poor devils from the tropics in their light gear
this feels like the North Pole. 60 Italians also arrived yesterday and a few ‘neutrals’.
The family is gradually growing. – Now I
have to go to roll call. The day is constantly interrupted – roll call twice,
room duty, reading the paper, Russian lessons, and I also have mess duty this
week, setting the tables, serving, tidying up, eating yourself, so you get little else done. Setting the table for 195 men consists of
sweeping the tables with a broom, then using your fingers to put a piece of
bread, a piece of butter and one of cheese on every place and in the end
sweeping the tables again. Sometimes the kitchen then gives you an extra treat,
this evening for instance Beefsteak a la Tartar with a lot of pepper and
onions. (The smell will have dissipated by Saturday.) I will be seeing you in
two hours and am looking forward to it immensely. A thousand greetings and even
more kisses, your E.
21.8.1940 Bourke Street Military Gaol.
You left less than half an hour ago and I
am writing to you already. That was really wonderful today. I saw you for
nearly two hours. […] I am so happy and grateful that I have such a lovely and
‘clean’ family. You become particularly aware of that when you see the physical
and human filth that collects in this place. And it is easy to be in prison if
you have a clean conscience and nothing to regret. Many of the depraved people
who are brought here are in the main victims of their circumstances and
education. Many could even now be raised out of their squalor if they were
under the influence of a strong and wise person for a while. I was surprised
that most of them have no conception of anything higher and more worthwhile than
cheap plonk and low women. In the few days here I have listened to the stories
of perhaps a hundred of them, for all of them came to my peep-hole and spoke to
me as though I were one of them. – But I
wanted to tell you what has happened since I left Orange. At nine-thirty the
entire crew of hut 2, led by a flute, accompanied me to the gate. Then the gate
opened and bag, mattress and Ekke were loaded onto the back of a truck,
together with two Italians and three soldiers with bayonets planted. The band
played ‘Muss i denn’ and then the ‘doctor’ was cheered with three ‘hip, hip,
hurrahs’. It was quite touching. Heini waved for quite some time as he saw ‘his
only friend’ whom he had just found disappear again [..] At the station we
waited for half an hour or longer looking like emigrants with our inelegant
luggage, beside a greyhound who was being transported to the dog races and who
in contrast to us howled pitifully. We were apparently the most interesting
sight on the platform. We then got into a reserved carriage, the soldiers (a
sergeant and two men) settled down on one side and we on the other. The two
Italians slept nearly the whole way and the sergeant for half of it. I couldn’t
sleep a wink and strangely enough wasn’t tired either. In Mount Victoria we had
some tea (!) which tasted marvelous on that cold night and warmed us up. From
then on I had a really good conversation with the very nice sergeant who
started off a bit gruff but then increasingly, became himself. In Orange he had
bidden a close and passionate farewell to two quite pretty girls, much to the
envy of the two soldiers who didn’t have any. At the last kiss when the train
was already departing his lips had become drawn out like chewing gum. In Sydney
six soldiers (military police) armed with pistols etc. collected us and with
now nine guards we drove off to the prison in Bourke Street. We were first
served two fried eggs with bacon on plates that looked as though they had lain
on a rubbish dump in the rain for two years. On their edges were the remains of
other victuals not being served for breakfast, and the tea was in mugs that
revealed a history similar to that of the plates. The tea itself was a peculiar
consistency as though it had been made with starch or gelatine and when you had
finished it there were tea leaves left in that sort of jelly. But we munched it
and slurped it for there are circumstances when even the most elegant
gentleman can no longer ‘eat’ and
‘drink’. – One after the other the two Italians then disappeared behind the
bars but there was an argument about me because my warrant had been lost. The commandant didn’t want to take me in
without a warrant and the soldiers wanted to be rid of me and go home to their
wives. I was, so to speak, a nuisance and ‘unpopular’. [...] Unfortunately, the
sergeant eventually won and the prison reluctantly took me with a lot of
cursing about bloody this and bloody that and bloody bastard. Then I had to
empty my pockets and the suitcase and everything was recorded in a ridiculously
round-about way: 1 mirror, 1 sock, 1 sock, 1 shoe, 1 shoe, 1 sock, 1 shoe, 1
sock, 1 plate of chocolate, 1 sock etc., everything individually and then I put
my name to the document. I was allowed to take along cigarettes, matches and a
handkerchief. [..] Then the locks, which you already know, creaked and with a
rough ‘Get in there!’ I was pushed into the monkey’s cage to join my two
Axis-brothers. – The cage was as large as our library. The furniture consisted
of a completely blocked toilet. (Note the full stop after ‘toilet’.) For that
was all there was if you don’t want to count a lot of dirt and us three fellows
with the furniture. The cell had bars as big as a door leading to the corridor.
On these bars hung the captured soldiers from last night; all unkempt,
alcoholic, still drunken, bashed, extremely dirty and with unshaven faces,
swollen up from recent fights, uniforms messy, crushed and with vomit, and hats
on their heads as crooked and crazy as only an Australian can wear a hat. There
was a strong stench of beer and sick. You can see why I called it a money’s
cage. – Then the begging for cigarettes
started. We gave them a few and in return one of them brought a ‘glass of
water’ in an unrinsed jam tin and another one (he was still quite drunk but
meant well) brought something to read, being the label from that tin: “Gardner
Blue Jam”. Suddenly a fine strong voice from the neighboring cell could be
heard and my two Italians excitedly recognized an aria from a Verdi opera. Then the voice broke off and soon a nice
looking young soldier appeared at the bars with a roll of toilet paper. On it
was written in Italian: ‘We have been here for four days now. Have not seen the
sky or washed our faces in all that time. Don’t speak English.’ And two
signatures. The section was torn off and quickly thrown into the blocked toilet,
for which it had been intended in the first place. Then the soldier, Don was
his name, passed in a pencil (the one I am writing with now) and we wrote a
reply: ‘Buck up, you’ll soon go to Long Bay to your fellow countrymen.’ Then
the toilet roll was taken back again and as an expression of gratitude and
delight the Verdi aria resounded once again. – In the meantime we settled into
our cell. I rolled up my old raincoat and offered it to one of the Italians who
gratefully accepted it after some encouragement. I supported the wall with my
shoulder in the good old Australian fashion. Then around lunchtime the locks
creaked and the two Italians from next door appeared at the bars. They were
rather dirty but happy to exchange a few words and then they had to
wash. They were taken off to Long Bay before lunch. Then came our food. It was
served on the morning’s unwashed plates and put on the floor in the middle of
our cell. We slunk around the plates suspiciously and then decided it would be
better not to eat anything. The plates also leaked and a little stream of gravy
was slowly running across the floor into a corner. – All morning we had tried
to get a broom and somebody to repair the toilet for we all had to go. Instead
of the broom and the plumber a stick was passed through the bars around one
o’clock and I tried to remove the blockage by stirring hard. Unfortunately the
only result was that the stench got worse but the blockage remained. Finally we
were taken to the cell in which I am now. It is as long as two men and as wide as
one. The inventory is quite luxurious: a toilet, a bench, one mattress of
sacking and straw, and blankets. Full stop. – In the evening around five, my
two Italians left me. They were also being taken to Long Bay. When we were
taken from the first cell to this one the dinner plates of the singer and his
comrade were still on the floor. They had been polished clean as though the
mice had been at them. You could have put the dry white bones of the mutton
chops into your pocket as talismans against loss of appetite without dirtying
your fingers. – Before he went the older
of the Italians (to whom I had offered my coat to sit on), called Panozzo, told
me that he was descended from the Cimbri and that in the part of northern Italy
that was ceded to Italy after the war there is a region where the only pure
Cimbric tribes that still exist live on two plateaus, 1000 meters in height, on
either side of the river Brenta. And even today these tribes speak the old Cimbric
language. Unfortunately he himself no longer knew it. But he was very proud of
his ancestry. He is exactly as old as I am and in December 1917 we faced each
other on the Brenta, I in Primolano and he in San Marino. Now we were squatting
together in a dim cell and again had the same destiny. Panozzo is built a bit
like Brenn, also with a broad, thick-boned face and large deeply recessed eyes
that always have an expression of wonder. The great battle of Asiago in which a
terrible amount of blood flowed was conducted of all places on the two Cimbric
plateaus and razed his home village to the ground. Deep snow and the
inaccessibility of the area resulted in most of the dead not being found. After
the war Panozzo then took on the job of
looking for these, collecting their dog-tags and burying them. He
pursued this task from the end of the war to the end of 1921. In that period he
and his helpers found and buried 56,000 dead. 250 alone were piled up in the
cellar of his own house where they were laid when they fell because they could
not be buried outside because it was winter and there was no ground that could
be dug. – When he told me all that I was at first horrified. There was
something eerie about being locked in a dusky cell with this person. I suddenly
felt revolted by this man who had volunteered to become a grave digger for
money. But then he went on to say that the work had seemed like a sacred trust
to him. He described how he always carefully detached the dog-tag and how with
his own hands he had lifted many who were only a miserable little pile of bones
into the canvas bag and then buried them. [...] He is now 41 and he said that
the dead, his dead, had now accompanied him throughout all his life and if he
experienced something that was sad and difficult then he only had to think of
his dead. Then he laughed and pointing to the cell said: ‘This isn’t hard, this
is only annoying.’ And then the light in our cell was turned on from outside,
the bolts squealed and Panozzo and his compatriot were moved to Long Bay; I
stayed behind with the wealth of his story.
On Monday afternoon I then had the great
pleasure of seeing you and telling the Commandant what I thought of his jail.
It wasn’t very tactful of me to say that in your presence and I apologized next
day through the peep-hole in my door. For the Captain inspects the respective
nightly catch of drunkards and those who have been caught absent without leave
every morning. That takes place in the corridor in front of my cell. To finish
off he always pokes his nose into my peep-hole and says: ‘Alright?’ – I then
answer: ‘Alright, Sir’, and with that my case is closed for the next
twenty-four hours. – On Tuesday a German from Long Bay came to my cell for the
afternoon. He was called Corall or something like that and was the tomato
grower in Mona Vale who was the first to buy our peat-moss. That was a change in
the monotony. In the morning Moore came and in the afternoon you, my darling.
On Wednesday I was all alone and then we had the two beautiful hours together.
On Tuesday two Italians came from Orange in the morning. One of them was taken
off to Long Bay after a few hours while the other suffers from the same ailment
as I do, namely that there is no warrant for him, and he is therefore still
with me. I would prefer to be alone. He is a young, uninteresting fellow,
speaks poor English so that you can hardly understand him and used to be a
sales attendant in a fruit shop. – Today is already Friday and my case was
supposed to go before the court today. But I have not heard anything yet. –
Perhaps I will see you again today!? – The night before yesterday the catch was
forty and last night similar. I have rarely experienced such a wild night. All
completely drunk and there was a coughing and retching that I was nearly sick
myself. In the morning you could then study faces. Many go out again next day
but there are also some who have been here longer. One is our friend Don, a
young soldier who borrowed a military vehicle for a joy-ride and was
caught. He is a nice bloke and every now
and again a newspaper or something happens to drop through the peep-hole. Enough
for today. More tomorrow. 1000 kisses, Your E.
24.8.40 My darling! You looked lovely today and were so bright. I was so
glad because you looked a bit depressed last time. Even though it was a bit
short it was good. The Sergeant said I had to disappear before the Boss came.
The apples are beautiful. I have plenty of smokes, we get newspapers and there
are no grounds for complaint. I haven’t been able to get the photos. – Saturday
night: A large catch. Among them ‘some good fighting specimens’. Irishmen of
course. Eventually four M.P.s took them by all fours and threw them into a
one-man cell where they amused themselves for the rest of the night with
kicking the iron door till someone went and took off their boots. [..] I don’t
envy the M.P.s their job. But I have to admire their professionalism and
‘efficiency’ in handling these fellows. – Spagettini, as I call him, seems to
have already told me everything worth telling. They are now leaving the light
in the cell on during the day so that you can at least see something without
straining your eyes. Also very pleasing. We will gradually turn this prison
into a hotel. This letter is a bit boring and colorless. I’ll try to write you
an amusing one tomorrow. I am so looking forward to your coming today. Next
time please bring along a writing pad. This is the last page of this pad. The
next letters will be written on copy-book paper. I’ll try to do a drawing of
Spagettini today. It will be a nice memento.
So, my Darling, enough for today. I love
you and everyone at home so much and have to think of you all the time. Remain
fond of me too. Many kisses and a firm and long embrace, Your E.
26.8.40 Sunday was fairly uneventful. I did quite a good drawing of my
Italian and gained the admiration of all the inmates. They wanted me to draw
them through the peep-hole but that was technically impossible. Were out in the
orangutan cage for half an hour. – In the evening they came in swarms so that
the late-comers were piled up like herrings in the corridor in front of our
door. The noise was as to be expected. We are now allowed to buy newspapers which
is nice. I won’t mind awaiting our departure to Tatura here. Spagettini
(Taranto) is now learning German and pesters me terribly about pronunciation.
Language-wise he is not very bright. But in other respects I can give him the
support he needs and as a person he is very decent. All the same, I would
rather be alone since I am not after company as such but stimulating company.
30.8.1940
My poor dear darling. What a terrible
disappointment yesterday that I couldn’t come to the court in the afternoon. Unfortunately,
the only sergeant who can’t stand me and who also spoilt our visiting hour the
other day was on duty and when Picker and I wanted to take off with our soldier
again at two o’clock he held us back roughly and impolitely, pushed us into our
old cell and banged the door shut so violently that Picker got the fright of
his life. There we sat till half past four and were then taken to Long Bay with
old Mr. Schnell. I felt so sorry for you and I can really imagine your
disappointment. I will never forget the spiteful and nasty face of the sergeant
when he noticed my contained rage and disappointment. In the corridor there was
the usual noise and Picker, who was there for only two and a half hours,
couldn’t understand how I could have stood it for 10 days at 23 hours each. He
really blossomed when we were picked up at four thirty. Here we are allowed to
be together in the corridor till eight o’clock. Then we are locked into our
cells and the light goes off. I read for quite a while by candle-light last
night and it was really quite cozy. They have now drawn barbed wire around our
house and in the corridor; that satisfies the international agreement whereby
prisoners of war have to be kept behind barbed wire and must not be locked up.
The doors of the cells are now bolted at night but no padlocks attached; that
means we are not ‘locked up’, which doesn’t alter the fact that we can’t get
out of our cells. But the policemen are, as always, very nice. We do not know
when we will be moved from here and where to. – I have little hope that I will
be let out on the basis of my interrogation. Unfortunately we have to accept
that. But if I should be released with certain restrictions then we will all be
hugely happy. Better not to get one’s hopes up too high only to be disappointed
later. Perhaps it will all end sooner than we think. – Today I want to do a
drawing of Panozzo if he is willing. But it will be difficult to get the sensitive
and kindly expression on his otherwise coarse face. – I feel so terribly sorry for you, my love,
all the work and the responsibility has been piled onto you. But see to it that
now that my court case is over you get Mrs. D. to help you. I love you so much
and yearn to see you and the children again and also my dear Gisela. Stay fond
of me and I know you will always be true to me. Your E.
2.9.40
My dear, sweet darling! What a wonderful surprise that you came after all today. I
hadn’t expected you and so hadn’t ‘prepared’ for you either. When they called
me I was just lying on the grass playing chess with my friend Panozzo. So the
delight was particularly great. My love, in such moments I realize how
incredibly fond I am of you, with all the vigor of youth, and that’s not
because of the prison. This period of being apart is a bit like the time of our
unofficial engagement when I was in America. I only have one thought and one
wish to be back together with you again and I look forward to that time as only
once before and that was when you were coming to me in Los Angeles. And now I
am also looking forward to the children. Unfortunately, the time of my wait is
less productive this time round, but I will now try to write even though it is
hard to concentrate here and to find a corner where you are left in peace and
not interrupted for a few minutes. In
short, I love, love, love you. I am glad you liked the drawings of Panozzo and
Taranto. I put a lot of effort into them and they were also created in a
difficult situation, particularly that of Taranto in the poorly lit cell in
Bourke Street Gaol. For me these two drawings in particular are a nice memento
of a time that was certainly difficult but also positive in that I was faced
with the problem of proving to myself that mind is master over matter and
circumstances. What was important was to demonstrate that even in these
circumstances you can be not only master of the situation but also master,
mentally, of the people with whom you are imprisoned and those who are guarding
you. It was a real pleasure and gratification to me that I succeeded in gaining
control of these somewhat inferior
‘fellow prisoners’, who started off being insolent and derisive but eventually
looked on me with respect. The latter is also true of the guards with the
exception of my ‘enemy’ whom I probably
annoy precisely because of my upright and unbroken stance. I was also glad that
I could give support to little Taranto who is really quite a soft fellow. He
would have gone mad if he had been alone in the cell, or certainly broken down.
And I wouldn’t have missed the conversation
with Panozzo on the first afternoon in the dim cell for anything. For
his work as grave-digger he had 2000 soldiers to help him. I forgot to mention
that when I wrote that he had found 56000 dead in his sector and buried them,
which of course would be technically impossible for an individual person. – I
think when I get out, you and I will have a very rich life emotionally, on the
assumption, of course, that you survive my first embrace. And our little Gisela
will also need to watch out. The kiss for her will be of high caliber too. The
children will come last and their salvation will be that I will already have
expended most of my strength on you. Although our robust little Peter looks as
though he could weather any onslaught. I am glad you are going to bring him in
one day. I don’t think it will hurt him. He probably won’t recognize me and
perhaps he won’t want to come on my arm at all. But that won’t worry me as it
is only to be expected. Once I am back with you he will soon learn all that the
concept Ekke entails. – I hope we will now succeed in remaining here in Long
Bay. I really don’t want to go to Orange and certainly not to Tatura. I hope
you have now also made it clear to Moore that it is my own wish to stay here.
‘I will put up with all the discomforts if only I can see you from time to
time.’ Apart from that, prison is prison, no matter whether it is locks and
bolts that confine you or barbed wire. And I can read, write and do the same
sort of things here as there. By the way, we are now also behind barbed wire
here. For the sake of appearances and to comply with the international
convention they have now strung barbed wire inside the doors and outside in the
yard in front of the walls and are calling our location ‘Malabar Internment
Camp’. And if the doors are locked outside the wire too that’s none of our
business. The doors of the cells are also bolted at 8pm but now no padlocks are
attached. In this way they are honoring the convention.
3.9.40
We had just finished our dinner when we were told that all of us, with the exception of
those still waiting for their interrogation, have to be ready and packed at
4.30am tomorrow morning and that we will be taken to Orange. I am absolutely
furious for I am on the list too and apparently my, or rather Moore’s request
to be allowed to stay here has been rejected. To top it off, we were
immediately locked in our cells again and our peepholes were also closed. One
nonsense after the other. The only good thing, and I am grateful for that, is
that it’s Orange and not Tatura. In Orange I’ll talk to the Commandant right
away so that I’m not suddenly moved on again. What a bloody shit! – The flowers are still quite fresh. I won’t
take them but leave them here with Picker instead. They would only wilt on the
journey. But they gave a great deal of pleasure to me and everyone, day in, day
out. I had also put up the large photos of you and the children so that
particularly at night by candle light my cell looked quite homely and
comfortable. – There was a wild storm here yesterday and all
the towers and locks rattled and the wind howled through the stone corridors
and cells. You could also distinctly hear the sea roaring. And if I squinted at
the flowers in their vase (a jam tin) next to my bed, I could imagine I was
lying at home beside you and only had to get up and walk onto the veranda to
see the raging sea. But since it was raining and storming and also
uncomfortably cold I did not get up but stayed in bed. – Now I can’t see my
little Peter on Friday either. I repeat: what a shit! – Otherwise all is well.
Now my Dear, good night. Tomorrow we have to get up at four in the morning. A
thousand good wishes, Your E.
4.9.40 My Dear! Now we
are back in Orange. We were woken at 4am, rose, breakfasted, quickly packed up
our miserable belongings and then stood in the corridor waiting till half past
seven. Then we were loaded onto a bus, 26 of us, and were driven to the
Mortuary railway station under heavy armed guard just the same as last time. At
9.30 the train then finally left. So five and a half hours for what could have
been done in an hour and a half. On the journey I sat with Panozzo and Picker
and we took it in turns to play one game of chess after the other. We had quite
good sandwiches to eat but to drink only lemonade, no ‘tea’ like last time.
Panozzo is really a fine person. He told me some more about his life. From the
station at Orange we walked to the camp between two rows of soldiers with
bayonets planted. There I was greeted with delight in the manner of a young
puppy who has finally found his master again by my Bourke Street companion
Spagettini Taranto. I am not sure whether it was more touching or funny. In all
there are 36 Germans here and all the Italians. The latter are to be
transferred to Hay in three or four weeks and it is probable that we won’t be
sent to Tatura before then. In the meantime I’ll try to ‘pull some ropes’ that
I’ll be sent to Long Bay. I do want to be able to see you now and again, and
perhaps I’ll then be able to see little Peter some time too. – We have just been told that the coming
weekend is the last visiting day before we are transported off. That is,
however, also only a rumor. Other more reliable sources say that we will be
here for another three or four weeks. – I have just spoken to the Commandant
and told him that in approximately a month I have to appear in court as a
witness and that I should be sent to Long Bay if we are transported off before
then to save the costs of returning me from Victoria to Sydney. I should only
be sent to Tatura after the court case. He is going to fill out a request form.
On the other hand, if I should be released I would have to go to Tatura after
all since you cannot be discharged from Long Bay, but only from an internment
camp. But I am not counting on being released in order not to be too
disappointed as the case might be.
8.9.40 I am continuing this letter
as a diary to give it to you some
day when it might be permitted, that is when I’m freed, which I hope for but
hardly believe. Two minutes before you came yesterday I had the definite
feeling that you were going to turn up after all even though I hadn’t counted
on it earlier. And what joy when you then appeared with the two children!! My
dear, you go to so much trouble to make me happy, the only true happiness we can have here in the camp is to see
you and the children. On Friday we were all extremely disappointed when we were
informed that as a ‘punishment’ we would now only be able to see each other
through the fence. Since Liebeskind is not a very skillful negotiator and also
speaks a frightfully pure Saxon English, it was decided by all that I should
lead the negotiations which I then did with the result that we can now at least
see each other at tables. Yesterday I found it hard to see the children this
way and to keep them away from my side, but today it was, in contrast, very
nice and they were quite ‘lenient’. So I was able to hold my Silkelein and
little Uwe-fellow on my arms and go ‘Heisedehchen’. Even though we didn’t get
to speak to each other much, the Sunday was quite wonderful for me and I was
able to see you. Just being close to you and being able to look you in the eyes
is wonderful, like fresh dew falling on the soul. And even though it is hard to
see you leave again, the image of you in your chic slacks, a very young looking
mother walking off with the two children was so lovely and I am so proud of my
family. – Today just after you left the rumor came through that all the
Italians were to go to Hay before the 21st and that none of us
Germans were to go to Tatura but all of us to …..Randwick. Wouldn’t that be
marvelous! But as I said there’s a lot of rumor-mongering here. You can only
hope. I was so glad that you liked my friend Panozzo. I’ll have to do another
better drawing of him. Your critique has kindled my ambition. He really is a
fine person. –
11.9.40 On Monday it will be two months
since I was interned. It already
seems like an eternity that I’ve been away from you even though, considering
the circumstances, I have seen you quite a few times. The poor fellows in
Tatura have now been in for more than a year. I hope we won’t face a similar
fate. – I hope I’ll have a chance to see my little Peter before I am taken to
Tatura. I could almost say ‘meet him’ instead of ‘see him’ for he will have
changed so much since I last saw him. – There are only a few reasonable people
in my hut. The others are a terrible rabble. Young blokes without respect or
consideration who still have to be taught the most basic rules of comradely
behavior. Among the decent people are Picker, Langsch (with the fine head),
Fischer, a well mannered but somewhat boring merchant, Zenker, a rather
feminine but intelligent artist (painter and draftsman). Eckhardt is a big disappointment; of amazing
intellectual poverty and lack of interest. Among the rabble are Ewan von
Müller, an illiterate and a ‘half-wit’, who has taken a special liking to me
and formed an almost dog-like attachment. In Long Bay he offered to sweep my
cell which I accepted with misgivings. When I then entered the cell
unexpectedly I caught him opening and examining my suitcase obviously with the
intention of stealing. He quickly flung the case closed and I pretended I
hadn’t noticed. When he had finished sweeping he asked me for a cigarette
because he had no money. I gave him a packet and said, when he thanked me, that
we were here all mates and had to help everyone. He and I and all the others
were now comrades. That flattered him so that from then on he more or less made himself
everyone’s servant and told me the entire history of his life, in confidence.
He arrived in Australia when he was five, was brought up by stepparents and
didn’t go to school. He has traveled through much of Australia on foot or by
bike and worked on the railways as a fettler. In around 1926 he won £6000 in
the Golden Casket lottery. He invested the entire amount in land and , as he
says, the Jews (?) diddled him of it all. For six years during and after the
last war he was in the Foreign Legion in Africa. For a reward of £1000 he then
set fire to a house and shed for an insurance swindler and spent two years in
Bathurst Jail for that. Upon release he was paid £500 of the promised £1000.
His fortune is now £4/10/0 plus 5 shilling which I gave him. On top of that he
has been in jail a number of times for theft since then. Here his behavior is
impeccable and because I treat him as my equal, the others, who were initially
prepared to treat him with contempt and disapproval, are doing so too. I think
when he comes out he will look for an honest job and if he finds it, will
probably stay honest too. So it is possible to do some positive things in a
mixed company like that. I had my first row today when one of the ‘rabble’
started to run down Lahusen as a person and as a pastor in the most shameless
manner. I ordered him to shut up since Lahusen was my friend and so superior to
him that he as an insolent good-for-nothing had no right to criticize him. When
he then became cheeky and continued I threatened to beat him up. When I got up
off the bed to make good my threat, he stopped talking and apologized. Since
then he has not mentioned the name again and has tried to get into my good
books. There really are disgusting people around. As a human being, my
‘half-wit’ is infinitely superior. – Among the rabble there is also the
‘lice-man’ who has in the meantime got rid of his occupants. He is even more
disgusting than the enemy of Lahusen. All these young fellows are amazingly
egotistical and inconsiderate; I have rarely met the likes of them. But
gradually we’ll straighten them out too.
13.9.40
Friday. The Commandant has just informed me that I
have to go back to Long Bay the day after tomorrow, on Sunday. I am not at all
sad about that because then I’ll be able to see you occasionally and little
Peter too. Perhaps it can be arranged that I see Gisela briefly too, if you all
came by car some time and then maybe you came in with Peter and Gisela
afterwards by herself. But that’s only a suggestion and if it’s too difficult
that is also fine. Last night we had strong winds and a storm and today it’s
been raining heavily all day. It’s a blessing for the countryside but for us it
means terrible mud outside and lumps of clay in the huts. – You will probably
be informed today that I am coming so that you don’t come to Orange this
weekend which you probably hadn’t intended to do anyway. But all the same, just
to make sure, you are being very kindly informed. – These last nights I have
had really good conversations with a Mr. Zenker, who is essentially a painter
and draftsman and in his way a rather over-sensitive artist type. He made a
miserable living in Sydney with German language lessons. He has written a
substantial tome (I mean in dimensions) and will let me read it after the war:
a philosophical work. I’ll be very interested. It hasn’t yet been published but
has been written with the typewriter. But since he is a very intelligent and
thoughtful person, I could imagine that it is worth reading and would be of
value. At least our conversations were most stimulating. – He has the habit of
snoring at night and when his neighbor suddenly woke him recently he almost
died of fright and was ‘off his tucker’ and nervous all day. He is basically a
theosophist and believes that the soul leaves the body at night; thus the fear
of being suddenly woken.
15.9.40
I didn’t expect you at all yesterday. I was
convinced that you wouldn’t be coming. And suddenly you appeared. That was
absolutely marvelous! Unfortunately, it is however not possible for us to drive
down together in the car. I tried again around the back way today. But nothing
doing! So it will have to be the boring trip by train! But I’ll probably see
you, little Peter and Gisela on Monday or Friday in Long Bay. If you think of
the terrible things that are happening over in Europe, then little
disappointments like this are nothing. What a blessing that I need not worry that
you and the children could be bombed; and for you too, that I’m well and not in
danger of my life or starving. Considering everything, we are relatively very
lucky and what’s happening to us is nothing. But that doesn’t stop me from
really wanting to come home to you. – And now I am looking forward so much to
your coming this afternoon. My dear Love! Enough for today. Your Ekke.
16.9.40 Long Bay
Now I am back ‘at home’ in Long Bay. It’s
like coming home! The trip was very nice and we had a good deal of ‘tea’ to
drink to warm us up. At first the Sergeant was quite rough and stern and then
very nice. In Sydney we were again collected by the Bourke Street M.P.s ,
unfortunately under the command of my ’enemy’. We two Germans and four Italians
were then locked in my old cell (6pm) after we had first been subject to a
thorough body search which consisted of looking for rum bottles or the like in
our pockets. The inventory was again done in that round-about way. Around 9pm,
after quite amusing exchanges with the captured soldiers and after we had been
served a chop and onions for breakfast on literally shiny and absolutely new
plates (I nearly fell over backwards with amazement) we were then transported
to Long Bay by truck where I was greeted most heartily by all the policemen. There
are about eight Italians here and Corall. In addition we have thirteen ‘refugees’
from England who were in Hay and were brought down here again a few days ago to
work their way back to England on the ship on which they came out. But they
have protested and will probably stay. These thirteen are all Jews, between
sixteen and twenty years old [...] It isn’t clear yet what will become of them.
The biggest joke is that a local Jewish business sent these fellows wind-jackets
in a fit of generosity, for nothing of course, and all the jackets had
swastikas embroidered on the sleeve (back to front by mistake). How did the
Jewish business get those swastika jackets? [...] But in defense of the
thirteen and as an honest reporter I do have to mention that they sent them
back. The prison looks like a pigsty and their cells still worse. All of them
speak German and it sounds very strange to hear them whistle the Florian Geyer
song in these halls and not only that, also SA songs. The world is quite mad.
I have to stop now since I want to get
ready for your visit and it is almost 2pm. Apart from that I didn’t sleep a
wink last night. The next diary page will bring more about the thirteen and
their story. Lots of love and 1000 kisses divided among all the family. Your
Ekke.
17.9.40. I would have thought that since you didn’t come back from Orange
till quite late you would come with little Peter on Friday. Then when Mr.
Farmer (my nice policeman) said that you were there and Peter too, I nearly hit
the roof for joy. By golly, Peter has made progress! He has become a real
personality! And he’s beautiful with his coloring. He is more handsome than Uwe
was and has a completely different
nature or personality. I say ‘different’ not ‘better’. I don’t want to make
qualitative comparisons for they are both such strong and well defined
characters that it’s quite amazing. I wouldn’t have thought two such similar
little fellows could be so different. At the start I thought that Peter would
be a different edition of Uwe. But yesterday it was obvious that Peter is
something quite different and all on his own. I am incredibly proud of my
children and no less of my beautiful and brave wife. All the policemen and
Pantano (the Italian grandfather, one-time Anarchist and adventurer) said words
of praise and admiration which almost made me blush. Perhaps you’ll bring Peter
again before I have to go back to Orange. Who knows how long it will be till I
see him again after that. – And I was so very delighted to see Gisela that I
didn’t know what to talk to her about. The time was so short too. At most ten
minutes. Gisela looked lovely and very healthy and fresh. -
Just after you left, our thirteen Jews were
taken off. Rumor has it that the poor fellows have to go back on board ship as
part of the crew to sail back to England. They were absolutely terrified and
many of them were shaking all over. The Rabbi said: ‘This awful happening will
take years from my life!’ In the case of the Rabbi this was probably an
exaggeration. Some of the surnames of the fellows were amazing: Berliner,
Friedländer, Elefant (no joke, or only insofar as he was a tiny fellow), Seide,
Kallbaum, Paretzkin, Kobrak, Rosenstock, Kahn, Lewey (Levi). And all of them
had grand Nordic first names like Wolfgang, Siegfried, Kurt etc. They spoke
German among themselves but some had already learnt quite good English. All day
they had busied themselves studying the telephone book and noting down the numbers
of people who had the same name or the same name as people in the village from
which they came; they expected the policemen to ring up these people for them,
which of course didn’t happen. They were so dirty and unkempt that even the
Italians claimed that the prison now not only smelt different, but actually
stank. Here I have the advantage of a diminished sense of smell. A case where a
disability is an advantage. In all, 3000 are supposed to have come on that
boat. Of these about 800 are those rescued from the Arandora Star (among them
also the son of the former German ambassador to Japan, His Excellency Solf),
about 500 are Italians and 300 German merchant sailors. The remainder were
refugees like the others (German Jews) though there were some Aryans among them
too. [...] I can’t say that the time of my internment has been uninteresting.
I still have to tell you about Pandano. He
is an intelligent and interesting fellow, 61 years of age. In his youth he was
an anarchist and was condemned to six years hard labor and a $12000 fine
because his newspaper attacked the tobacco monopoly in Argentina. But he fled
the country without a passport and landed in South Africa without any problems,
disguised as a Zulu Kaffir. He knows many famous people from the turn of the
last century, like Clemenceau, Emil Zola, Count Kropotkin etc. and happened to
be a journalist in Paris at the time of the Dreyfus Affair. Anyway, he is a
fine type of person who is now of course older and more sedate and has
abandoned anarchism. I suppose that was the result of having a family.
I had a bit of a talk to Pandano’s brother
who is also here. He is quite different from the one you know who has a long
head so you can see that he stems from the Norsemen who once sailed down the
Volga into the Black Sea and finally founded colonies in Sicily and South
Italy. For the Pandanos actually derive from them and traditionally they all
still bear Nordic first names. Though the brother is also dark blond he is
fatter and has a round head. He also had a strange life: as a young man in 1907
he was forcibly married to a girl and took off from the altar during the
ceremony before saying yes. Friends were waiting in a car and he then fled to
Germany and Austria with a false passport. He eventually migrated to Australia
and in 1926 when he was on a visit to Italy he managed to achieve the annulment
of his marriage which hadn’t really existed for 20 years. In 1932 he then won
the lottery with ₤5000, like little Müller. But he did better at investing the
money and is now a rich man. – He is not as appealing as his brother and now
has a different wife and a married son. So that was Pandano II.
18.9.40 Moore didn’t come
yesterday but he has apparently made an appointment for this morning. The
Clarkson matter is so complicated that it will be difficult to keep everything
in my head since I’m not allowed to take the papers in. I will try to see if I
can take them in for a day after all. I can well imagine that Clarkson is
responsible for my arrest in July so as to get out of payment commitments.
Yesterday another three Germans and about
six Italians were delivered here. The Germans are unknown quantities. One of
them arrived from Germany in the first month of the war. He is only now being
interned. It is hard to make sense of the policy of arrests. There seems to be
no system. I am amazed and still happy about Holm’s freedom. The new Germans
are not very interesting.
20.9.40 I am expecting
your visit any minute now so I will close. Our numbers grow by the day. Today a
Wuppertaler came in, a simple fellow. I’ll tell you the rest by mouth. A
thousand greetings and kisses, your Ekke.
22.9.40
My dear Haseli! I was really annoyed with myself
afterwards that I told you so frankly on Friday that I was homesick and that I
found the time in jail difficult. We are all homesick but we must not let that
get us down. I hope it didn’t upset you when you went home. I’m quite O.K.
again and you just saw me on one of those days
that will inevitably come every now and again. But you were looking so
particularly sweet and lovely and it is no wonder then that my longing becomes
great. But it is better like that than it would be if you didn’t look sweet. The
day will come when the prison gates open and till then you just have to grit
your teeth and ‘make the best of it’. I had also dreamed the night before that
I had come home and since it was unfortunately only a dream the walls seemed
even less attractive than usual to me in the morning. Now the beautiful flowers
that you brought along stand in front of your picture and those of the children
on my side shelf and it is looking quite homely, particularly as I am now using
the dishcloths as tablecloths. – When you have a spare moment I would like you
to get Mary to make a large photo of Peter, or rather just an enlargement of
one of our Leika photos so that I can display my youngest too. Try and finish
the film in the Leika as quickly as possible so that I can get some new
pictures of the children again. I know you have a lot to do but perhaps you can
spare a moment all the same. And have them developed and printed at Leika
because the last prints from Harrington were no good. – I have spent the last
days studying the Clarkson case and considering my statement in court. It is a
damned complicated matter, particularly as there are so many dates and figures
of quite similar shipments to memorize. I hope I’ll manage. By the way, the
proceedings are open to the public and you can attend the session and listen. I
am happy for you to be present when I give evidence too, it won’t bother me.
Then we could perhaps see each other and have a talk before or after. As far as
I can tell from the paper, the case will not be heard on Monday and probably
only on Tuesday which is good insofar as it can be assumed that another
transport will leave from here to Orange as our numbers have again grown to
more than thirty. – A few days ago a German who knows Tommy came in and asked
to send his regards. He is called Raitz and is also a Dr. rer. pol., so a
‘colleague’. He is quite nice but I have a similar suspicion in his case as I
had with Duisberg, probably without foundation. The Koller brother has shown
himself to be very nice and is a proper and decent fellow. A completely
different person to his brother. The Leithold-Heini mixture is an engineer from
Hardt’s Cement Works and his colleague arrived yesterday. An older, stout
gentleman who looks like a bald lower middle class brother of Hindenburg. He
would make a marvelous Santa Claus and also has the disposition of a Santa
Claus. The man from Wuppertal is called Pronsdorf. I haven’t told him yet that
you are from Elberfeld. He speaks 100% Barmish with all the mannerisms. (It’s a
slight variant of Elberfeldish, in case you don’t know.) When he’s serious, I
can hardly listen to him. It has the effect on me that Saxon has on you. He is
not overloaded with wisdom. Should I ask him if he knows Mother, or better not? We also have a genuine Kings Cross gangster
here, an Italian. But up to now he has behaved very meekly. – With Koller I
occasionally play chess and I beat him twice in three games. Koller would also
prefer to stay here rather than go back to Orange because of the visits.
Moore was very nice when he was here last
time. I feel sorry for the poor fellow. He is very worried about his daughter and
everything affects his nerves.
Lunch is ready. I might write a bit more
before closing this letter. A thousand loving thoughts, your Ekke.
24.9.40 Mein liebes
Kerlchen! After you told me during your visit yesterday that the court-case had
been postponed, Mayer came back from the court in the evening and said after
you had spoken to him a man (according to the description presumably Baker) had
arrived an hour later and said that I was to give my witness statement on
Tuesday, which is today. So far I have heard nothing from here and presume that
Baker didn’t yet have the latest information from Moore. The others have not
left for Orange yet but it is assumed that they will disappear tomorrow
morning.
Some time ago I told you that my little
friend von Müller has a dog on which he lavishes all the love of which he is
capable. The dog is the only creature in the world that he loves and that belongs
to him. Before I left Orange I wrote a letter for him to the police sergeant
who took the dog when he was arrested and asked where the dog was and who was
looking after him. He received an answer but Mayer didn’t know what was in it.
Anyway von Müller asked the Commandant whether he could have the dog sent to
the camp. The answer was ‘no’. That upset him so much that he, who already had
a bad cold, developed a high fever (probably pneumonia) and couldn’t be moved
from his bed anymore; he had to be sent to hospital with his bed. I feel
terribly sorry for the poor little fellow. – For our nice gentleman Commandant
with whom I conferred at the time has left and the new one is supposed to be
strict and unpleasant. I am sure the old one would have permitted it.
I would also like to compliment you and
express my admiration that you assisted
at little Pudel’s operation in such a sensible and competent way. In my eyes
you were very efficient and I am very proud of my Haseli. I feel sorry for poor
Mrs. Pudel and I only hope that the little fellow will be right again soon. I
hope you don’t run into problems because of the telephone call and the
overnight stay. It really is a deplorable situation that I have to sit here
inactive while you have so much to do and I could help you so well. I hope
little Peter has had no bad effects from his fall. It probably was a light
concussion if he vomited afterwards. And our poor little Uwe; I hope the worms
will be got rid of without the unpleasant treatment in hospital. Worms are
horribly unpleasant and stubborn beasts. I wish both you and myself that these
will be the last ‘irregularities’ with the children for the time being.
I have tried but it has been impossible so
far to concentrate on writing. You are constantly interrupted and your head is
full of so many other things. I have also had to spend time on the Clarkson
case and learn my statement which is full of dates, sums of money and
transactions that are very similar so that they can easily be confused. So I
have put aside my Arabian memories for the moment.
25.9.40
This morning at four o’clock the candidates for
Orange were woken and they finally departed at eight. My cell and those of all
who remained were locked in the meantime so that I could only say good bye to
them through the peephole which is the size of
a five shilling piece. About 30 men went. Mayer, Corall and I and three
Italians of the old guard stayed but yesterday and this morning so many more arrived
that our company has again swelled to 25 or 30. Among them a German, unknown
and insignificant. After the others had left,
the hall looked as though several garbage trucks had been tipped out there. I
swept out my cell, then locked it and fled out into the fresh air while two
criminals are trying to reduce their sentence by busily working away and
cleaning.
It is a wonderful sunny day and I have just
lain on the lawn for half an hour and closed my eyes. Then you can hear the
larks singing, great flocks of them high up in the sky. That suddenly brought
back the mood of my first nostalgic Weltschmerz
when, in my ‘romantic period’, I lay on the edge of a grain field in Bayern
with my eyes closed in just the same way. My heart had been full of poems and
songs in which there was a sweet melancholy that made you sad. In spite of that,
these were perhaps my richest and happiest years. And all the scents of the
ripe wheat-field and the flowering meadows also came back. One is really
amazingly receptive and impressionable as a young person. In those days your
soul was like a harp that would start to sing at the slightest breeze. I hope
our children will also be as impressionable and as rich of heart as we were
then. That is something you can only inherit, never acquire. And this capacity
for music of the soul is what makes people of German blood so rich and what,
generally speaking, Australians lack and what makes them such sober people.
This inheritance is what I was talking about when I stood before the judge and
was interrogated about my education and that of my Australian children. And I
think you can do quite a bit to open up the hearts of the children for the
experience of such sensations. I think Uwe is going to be particularly
susceptible to this. Through increasing rationality and the soberness of
everyday life one loses a lot of this sensitivity as an adult. You still have
experiences of this kind but more rarely. I am looking forward to the day when
I can lie on the golf course with the children with the larks singing and the
see murmuring and then I would like to listen to their little souls and hear
the resonances in them. That day will come. That great, very great, even
tremendous day of liberation! And you are fond of me, hugely fond and I am fond
of you too and thus everything is good and I will be happy and content. – When
the others left I ‘organized’ a prison mattress for myself so that I now have a
palliasse and two mattresses lying on my hammock. You can see I’m spoiling
myself.
26.9.40 Before I forget: Please
bring me two writing pads on Monday, one with thin paper like this and one with
many pages where the thickness of the paper doesn’t matter so much, but don’t
make it too thick. Also an HB pencil, for this one is already tiny because I
have used and sharpened it so much.
The Italians are arriving in batches. We
are already more than forty here. No more Germans have come. I hope they send
the fellows off to Orange soon. Too much noise and too much spitting ‘for my
liking’. Among the new arrivals is a father with his son and the father is
worried about the son and the son about the father. I suggested to both that
they give up their reciprocal worrying and then they might find it’s not so bad
after all. They said they’d do that.
My cell is now quite cozy and at night
after I have finished reading I put the candle in front of your picture and you
look at me in such a lively way that it almost seems as though you were looking
into the cell through a window. Then I say good night to you and blow out the
candle. – You’ll be coming again tomorrow. I’ve been looking forward to it
since Monday. I hope the news about the children and the other problems is
good. Love Ekke.
29.9.40
Dear
Haseken! I have copied out the beginning of the Arabian memories so that you
can read through them and tell me next time whether you think it’s alright the
way I’m doing it and whether I’ve hit the right tone. It is very difficult to
work without any critique and I’d like to know at least whether the beginning
is right. Please an honest and not a flattering critique. Perhaps you can read
it to Gisela one of these evenings and then she can also express her views. If
you think it’s more or less alright I’ll have the courage to go on. But it is
extremely difficult to concentrate in this stable. – On Tuesday or Wednesday
the surplus will go again; I hope I won’t be with them. -
Today there is a wild storm. From the first
floor of our villa we can see Maroubra Bay. The waves were splashing right up
over the highest cliffs. I can imagine that at our place the sea would have run
into the garden. I’d love to see the marvelous scene now from the veranda! I’m
interested what you will report when you come tomorrow. I’m assuming you won’t
bring little Peter if the weather stays like this and that would be right. –
Today’s letter will only be short. I’m already looking forward to tomorrow. A
thousand greetings and still more kisses,
Your Ekke.
6.10.40
That was really a surprise when you turned up with
Xavier last Friday. You can tell him that I really appreciated that he visited
me here in the prison and also that he didn’t express sentimental regrets but
made positive suggestions ‘how to make the best of this time.’ I think he sees
the danger for me in becoming only a ‘family man’, or rather that I might
already be that. In that he is not entirely wrong and my task will be how I can
combine ‘the other’ with the job of the ‘family man’. I am by no means clear
about this and I am also not certain whether the famous farm in the south-west
is the solution. It could be one solution but one could ask whether you
shouldn’t set yourself higher goals. In other words: the problem still exists
and will have to be solved during this period. It would also be really good if
you could occasionally think about it so that we can talk about it during
visits and exchange ideas. Of course you will have to see it from the point of
view of the family since whatever happens, the family will always be the first
consideration for me, however much the views of good old Xavier might
differ.
7.10.40 Today three Germans and an
Italian arrived from Orange: Jakobsen, Griese and Liebeskind who all still have
to go to their appeals. They had nothing good to report from Orange. Bruno
Koller, the idiot, has become camp leader for the Germans in place of
Liebeskind and instead of Janke whom Liebeskind recommended. The Commandant
isn’t happy either and it is to be assumed that his reign will not last long.
In addition, visitors now have to speak through a double wire fence and are no
longer allowed into the camp. There has also been a fight between Bill the
Cowboy and another ‘Australian’ called Schmidt. It is said that the camp will
soon be sent off to Tatura. If so, then hopefully while we are still here.
Perhaps I’ll try to put in a request to stay in Long Bay through Moore. But I
don’t have high hopes that a request of that nature would be granted. -
Last night a hysterical woman in the
building next door yelled and screamed and banged against the door with her
stool and mug all night. She had a ‘brainstorm’ as the warders expressed
themselves. That went on from seven in the evening till seven in the morning
with one and a half hours respite. Nothing was done. It wasn’t that she was
sick or in pain, she was just naughty and used ‘language’ that I have never yet
heard from a woman. I would have liked to have screwed her neck.
Today in eight days is Peter’s birthday.
Will you bring him in again for that? And I’d like to see the other two again
too before I leave here, perhaps to go to Tatura for good. I’ll try and arrange
that we will then again be given the room where we were with little Peter last
time. I hope his teeth will soon have come through. And that Uwe is getting
better makes me happy and relieves me.
And now it is only a few hours and I will
see you again. Much love, my darling,
Your Ekke.
11.10.40 My dear Love! Unfortunately I can’t give you a new chapter of my
Arabesques today because I don’t have one. I rewrote the Port Said chapter
three times but it was never any good so that I tore it up each time. I also
thought that I would have to go to court on Wednesday or today, which however
wasn’t the case. Since I probably won’t find out till the morning, I always
have to prepare the whole witness statement, of which I am by now sick to
death. I have also drawn Mowinkel and
even though it is not a perfect likeness, I still think that it is a good
sketch. I am also reading the books that P. sent me with a great deal of
interest and have finished two of them. (That about Mrs. Lindberg and the one
about Lawrence and Zionism.) Apart from that, Poinke lent me four interesting
Kosmos books which I devoured. (about blood circulation, artificial pigments,
life cycles and animal states and communities). Now I am assuming that the case
will come up tomorrow, though I won’t be at all annoyed if it’s not till next
week for next week the Germans will probably be sent off from Orange to Tatura.
Here there is at least an opportunity for us to meet. Tatura is the next best
thing to the South Pole. I am dreading Tatura and the long separation from you
and the children and Gisela. – Our numbers have again grown to thirty. Only two
new Germans, Jews. – It doesn’t matter that I haven’t gone on with my writing.
As soon as the court case is over, my mind will be free to take it up again. –
The news that the order has been accepted and will go through was very good and
my delight in proportion to my prior disappointment. Give the office my regards
and tell Baker how grateful I am to him and that I acknowledge how bravely he is
carrying the banner of the firm. Come Christmas, there will again be worthwhile
bonuses. I’ll see you again tomorrow and am already looking forward to that. I
love, love, love you and have boundless trust in you in every respect. […] Your
Ekke
12.10.40. Dear Haseken! The flowers in my cell are absolutely superb. I have
made three vases of the bunch and every mealtime they beautify our rather sober
table. Afterwards they are jealously brought back to my cell.
Today a new Norwegian came in, a very fine
fellow, blond, tall and strong and young, like ‘Nordic man’ personified. He was
the third officer on the Troja that
now has a different captain and he refused to sail to England. For ten days he
was held in Bourke Street Gaol just as I was a while ago and now he has arrived
here. He is quite happy about it and the Polar Bear is glad because the two
know each other from school in Norway. A pleasant change after the Jewish
influx. That would be a man for Gisela if he gave up his profession as a sailor.
Hm,hm! I can hear Gisela protesting: ‘Kindly leave that to me.’ Well, I was only
suggesting ... On Tuesday or Wednesday everybody will leave. Williams tells me
that I won’t be among them. – I have had a think about what you told me
concerning the Arabesques. You are right and I will write in the first person
from now on. The new Norwegian is called Mons Ree and is … don’t be too amazed
… the secret fiancé of Eva, the captain’s daughter. They were going to marry as
soon as he got back to Norway. So at the moment there is nothing doing. He
comes from the well-known town of Lillehammer. I have promised him to show him all the photos of Eva that we
have, if you would be so good as to bring them along next time. Please remember
because it will give him so much pleasure. So my marriage plans for Gisela have
again been scuttled. But I’m still of the opinion that he would have been a
fine husband for Gisela. The jelly was marvelous. I can only say ‘da capo’ and
Poinke and the two Norwegians agree. Is it a lot of work? I am happy to do
without the potato salad and mayonnaise as long as there is jelly. Hurrah for
Haseli’s culinary talents and imagination! Much admiration all round. I am
looking forward so much to Monday when the whole family will be there! And my
little Peter will be a year old, already quite a little man with his own
personality. On Monday morning I will be thinking of the exciting moment when
he was about to be born. Maybe you could ring our good Sister Armstrong in the
evening and congratulate her and also the other Sister whose name I have
forgotten. I am sure they would appreciate that. What a good thing that we had
made the decision to have the birth at
home otherwise Peter might have been a Sydney Harbor Bridge child too.
14.10.40 So my heartiest congratulations to you and Peter for his birthday.
If he turns out as decent and smart as the other two I’ll be happy. And I have
no doubt that he will. This afternoon I’ll be able to congratulate him myself.
And I am also looking forward ever so much to the other two. – We have invented
a new game with a tennis ball. We throw the ball against the wall and the
opponent has to catch it. Scoring is as in tennis. My arm is quite lame today
and I sweated gallons. Good exercise with a shower to follow. – I am still so
delighted with our Norwegian. He admitted that he wasn’t engaged to Eva after
all, had only seen her briefly and that they had liked each other but he would
have preferred her light blonde. So my plans for Gisela are stirring again.
It’s a shame I can’t show him off today. By the way, he was not on the Troya in
those days. He knows Lerke very well and through him has heard quite a bit
about Inge and knows her well from photos. So also bring a few photos of the
trip with Inge. No new Germans have come in. With the Norwegian we are now
twelve and make up a nice comradely group. I have done some more work on the
Arabesques but it’s not ready to be copied out yet. Read quite a bit in Kosmos
books, about vitamins etc. Mowinkel really liked ‘Kolun’ and read it in one
sitting. The transport will probably not leave till Wednesday. But it’s not yet
certain. A thousand greetings and kisses to all of you, your Ekke.
18.10.40 To my great pleasure Dr. Brose came back from Orange today and his
case will come before the judge as early as today. He has written an excellent
tract which he submitted with his appeal and which demonstrates how crazy and
outrageous his internment is, which of course is the case. That is probably why
he has been called up so quickly and out of turn. I am curious to hear what he
will tell us this evening. Since writing about my laziness yesterday, I made an
effort and wrote many pages of the Arabesques but it was all such banal and
stylistically poor rubbish that I tore it all up again. I’m sorry, but that’s
how things are. Inanity and ‘mental deteriorization’. (The word is not in
Xavier’s dictionary.) Now I’m expecting you in an hour and will spruce myself
up for you today. If the intellect doesn’t shine then at least the exterior
must. – I love you ever so much. Your Ekke
17.10.40
My Darling!
I’ll be seeing you again tomorrow and so I’ll quickly write something even
though not much has happened. On
Wednesday morning the big contingent of fifty men took off for Orange again and
since yesterday calm has set in again, or rather it took a whole morning to
clean up the huge mess the fellows left behind. I haven’t got round to writing
again since last week in spite of making a few attempts. The reason is probably
a lack of energy and I am very annoyed about that. I am ‘fed up’ again and just
can’t concentrate. A stiff brandy would do me good but unfortunately that can’t
be had here. Still, I have read a great deal, but that’s nothing productive,
just like playing chess and sport, if you can call what we do for exercise sport.
I hope I’ll be able to tell you something positive next time. – It was wonderful to see the children again
last Monday and saying good-bye went without any problems. Peter, the birthday
child, looked good and is really developing beautifully. Silke’s tenderness and
affection were so sweet. I think she loves me very much, anyway more
consciously than Uwe who was of course more interested in the surroundings etc.
It was wonderful to see the little faces light up through the window when they
recognized me. The two of us didn’t have
much time with each other but that will always be the case when the children
are along. But we’ll be alone together tomorrow. Gisela looked sweet with her
new hair-style. I think it suits her very well. And as stated, it’s much more
practical for the swimming season. – Mons, the new Norwegian, whom I showed
photos of you and the children, said
quite without my prompting that Gisela was his type and when he left he said:
Give my regards to Gisela and tell her that I love her blond hair. (Delightful
to hear for my match-making instincts.) He also left for Orange yesterday.
Those still here are Meier, Liebeskind and I and four Italians, among them fat
Pantano who left for Orange on Tuesday. I drew Meier but the resemblance is so
poor that I won’t show it to you at all, even though I labored at it for a
whole morning. The warders don’t know what to do with all their spare time now
that there are so few people here and keep on coming and wanting to be
entertained. The Boss came and borrowed some books today. It is a ridiculous
waste of time for prisoners and guards and all for nothing. I just wish I had
more energy to use all that time productively. I hope it’s just a phase of
stagnation which will soon pass. Can you suggest a cure other than ‘pull
yourself together’? If so, please bring it along next time. – I have the
feeling that the war is going to end early next year. I hope so! – Perhaps more
tomorrow. Meanwhile with all my love and much longing for you, Your Ekke.
20.10.40 My dear Darling! I have managed to fix my fountain pen and now
you’ll be able to read my letters better. Being with you on Friday was
marvelous. You looked so lovely again and were so merry and had so many stories
to tell. It was a wonderful hour and I am looking forward to tomorrow like the
thief ‘who got away with it’. – Yesterday
two Dutchmen arrived, apparently Dutch fascists, who happened to share a cell
with Mons Ree, the Norwegian, for a few days before he came here. Both nice
fellows, one of them very nice. Both are married in Holland with three children
each. Aren’t we lucky that we are allowed to be together in the same town that
is not being bombed. And Brose is so stimulating. We talk together most of the
day and I am learning so much from him. He is really an extraordinarily
intelligent fellow. I am now studying his tome on glands since I am really not
in the mood for concentrating on writing at the moment. He said to me today:
“You know practically more about glands than most of the doctors,” for it’s his
experience that there’s hardly a local doctor who has any idea of the
importance of the glands and how much can be achieved by treating them. He
recommended giving Uwe vitamin C for his nails and Silke for her missing tooth.
Or are you already doing that? It was his opinion that calcium alone may be of
no use for Uwe for he may not be able to absorb it and may immediately
eliminate it. That is why Vitamin C would be good. I will also ask him about
the best place to buy it. Strangely enough, I have no inclination to read
novels at the moment. I have begun the Blunck, read about a third, and though I
think the book is excellent and I really like the style, I just can’t find the
interest and peace of mind to continue reading it. It is just the same as with
the Arabesques. In contrast, I have just consumed the scientific books of the
Kosmos series and am knee-deep into Brose’s medical books. So I think I should
not force myself to write or to read novels but simply follow the dictates of
the moment and make the best of my current fascination with scientific studies
because my interest is so strong that things stick in the mind whereas my
thoughts constantly stray when I am reading e.g. Blunck. –
The Dutchmen were in Amsterdam for another
three days after the invasion and had a lot of interesting things to tell. –
Outside there’s another thunderstorm and since it is getting late and I want to
read a bit more I’ll close for today. (‘Late’ is nine o’clock.) We’re becoming
infantile again. –
With every new day our boss, Williams, is
proving himself to be a really intelligent, educated and well-read man who has
seen a lot of the world. He is ten times too good for the ridiculous position
he has here. Unfortunately he doesn’t know enough politicians and is reputed to
be a ‘reformer’. It’s a great shame. 1000 good wishes, E.
24.10.40
My Darling! Congratulations to you on the birth of
our little Uwe. What I wrote to you ten days ago about Peter is even more valid
for Uwe. What a terrible nerve-racking night that was and how I feared for your
life and that of Uwe. And then all went well and now the little fellow has
become a prize exemplar. It seems to have been an eternity ago and it’s only
three years. In the meantime we were in Germany, there was the nerve-racking
departure from there and then the war and little Peter’s birth. It is hard to
believe that so much can be compressed into three years with all the wealth of
joyful and challenging experiences. In view of the fact that we are all healthy
and have got through these three years without injuries, my internment, though
certainly unpleasant and unnecessary, is still a very minor evil. – There has
been great excitement this week for yesterday nearly all the Germans from
Orange and about thirty from Queensland arrived in Long Bay, stayed for the day
and then left for Tatura on the evening train. Only a few have stayed in Orange,
among them Henry, all people who were either sick, had pulled strings or still
have to go to court. I was worried that I would have to leave too but it went
all right and it can now be assumed that I will stay here for some time, even
without a date in court. Landheld told me that I had been on the list together
with Meier and Liebeskind but that we were eventually crossed off. All three of
us are not sad about that. What a lot of excitement and commotion. But it was
very nice to see the old faces again and I was especially glad that they were
all so warm towards me and that I could have the feeling that I didn’t have a
single enemy among them and limitless trust on the part of most. I felt like a
father confessor. Nearly all of them sent their kindest regards to you, at
least all those who knew you and had seen you, particularly Furter and Zenker.
But you should have seen my room. Seven men stored their luggage there, three
used it as a change-room (those were the clean ones who took a bath) and all
seven used the floor as an ashtray and garbage bin. All the same it was nice.
They then took it in turns to sleep on my bed. And the stores of butter, sugar,
apples etc disappeared as though the rats had been at them. I was able to give
Furter half a bottle filled with ‘tea’ and his delight was great. When they
then took off around six we had to clean up for about half an hour. But as I
said, it was marvelous. None of the poor fellows was very happy about having to
go to Tatura. I had the opportunity to write short greetings to Leithold,
Haggy, Bergmann, Heini, Reitmeier and Solti. The Queenslanders were quite a
wild looking company, most of them simple people. One of them knew Father and
Gerda from 1929, a young man by the name of Jäger. I gave Mons the photos of
Eva. He has kept them. Then I showed him the photo of Gisela and the three
children on which Uwe is being roughed up. He actually pinched it! He has
already fallen in love with Gisela so I really couldn’t take it off him again!
He sends his regards to both of you, even though he has not met you. The Polar
Bear too, of course. The latter has definitely had a mental disturbance these
last three weeks. He is not his old self and subject to fits of rage, so bad that
you have to intervene. But he still thinks you are the most beautiful woman he
has ever seen. Zenker did a drawing of me which I will give you. I think it’s
good from the nose up but the mouth is wrong. I want you to frame it and put a
narrow, light border around it. It is a nice memento of the time here. Zenker
was delighted with the photos of Uwe and little Peter and then said that he had
never seen a couple that were so well matched as you and I ‘from every aspect’.
I would really love to see some of these fellows at our place in Collaroy once the damned war is finally over. I am
beginning to believe too that it won’t be all that long, perhaps till spring
1941. Last time you forgot after all to deposit money and I forgot to remind
you. So I had to produce my 10 shilling in cash which I was officially not
allowed to have and they were accepted with a malicious laugh. – Today the two Dutchmen were told that they
will be deported to Java by ship on Saturday. They are both very nice and we
regret their going. As members of the Dutch NSP they run the risk of being
interned again in Java. – Little von Müller behaved badly in Orange in my
absence and has turned people against himself. He has also admitted that that
isn’t his name but Major (first name) Davenport and that he is not a German at
all. His passport was bought and doesn’t belong to him. He is a stupid idiot. I
really gave him a piece of my mind and hope that he will now behave better. He
also tried to embezzle money in Orange. It is strange how a person who has a
really good chance to get back on the right track still prefers to risk the
crooked one.
Tomorrow I’ll see you again and that is
marvelous. And on Monday both the children are coming and little Peter will
mind the house. – Enough for today. Your E.
25.10.40
In the meantime only one ‘German’ has arrived, an
unpleasant and pushy Jew, and a few Italians. Dr. Brose’s court case is still
not over but he is certain that he will get out. His case is causing ripples as
far as Canberra. He was arrested on the basis of three ludicrous slanders. He
has to go back once more on Monday and then the decision will probably be made
quickly. By the way, my name was also mentioned. I’ll be very sad if he leaves,
although I certainly won’t begrudge him his good fortune.
Now I should get ready as you will be here
in an hour. I’m going to shave too!
1000 greetings and kisses for you all. I
still love you so very very much. Your Ekke
27.10.40 My dear Haseli! Nothing much has happened in the few
days since you were here on Friday. Two new Germans have arrived, both nice
people previously unknown to us, a joiner from Darwin and a ship’s engineer. Our Jew is daily getting on our nerves more.
He is disgustingly pushy and prides himself on being a marvelous ‘raconteur’,
boasting about his connections and his stupendous achievements and that of all
those arrested he remained ‘coolest’. Which doesn’t stop him weeping bitter
tears every now and again because they have dared to imprison him. Nietzsche
says: One should get rid of beggars. You are annoyed when you give them something
and annoyed when you don’t. The same is true in this case; you are annoyed if
you give him your little finger because then he immediately grabs your whole
hand but you also feel sorry for him. And we were such a homogeneous company
without him. Maybe he’ll be sent to Orange with a few others on Wednesday. It was hard to say good bye to our nice
Dutchmen. They were both such decent, fresh lads. On Friday evening we
celebrated with ‘tea’ and the fellows presented us with amazing gifts. I was
given a silver cigarette case with an engraved map of Holland and the islands.
We had practically nothing we could give them and so I had to promise to send
them my book after the war, something I can only do if there has actually been
a second edition. Both of them said that they had learnt more for their lives
in those few days than in the last ten years, in particular in matters of human
relations and especially comradeship. Dr. Brose and I were both amazed at the
huge change that occurred in the fellows in such a short time, particularly in
one of them. A few new Italians have rolled up again too. We’ll soon be back to
30. I am reading a lot in Brose’s medical texts and also the book about ice in
space and on the moon, which has presented a whole lot of new ideas in that
field. For physical exercise we occasionally play bowls with a children’s set.
It’s fun and you actually move about quite a bit too. What is probably most
stimulating are the one on one conversations with Brose; for if the Jew is with
us he always wants to hold forth and doesn’t listen. He really is most
irritating! – I was so glad to hear from you that Xavier is working hard and
that he is making good progress. He definitely shouldn’t take a job. The ‘jam’
you made yourself tastes marvelous! And the flowers were unbelievably
beautiful. Half of them are still alive but unfortunately they didn’t last as
well as they did last time. Probably because of the heat. Bougainvillea, roses
and hibiscus have wilted but all the others are still very beautiful. Tomorrow
I’ll redo the vase. – Brose said on no account to have the children’s tonsils
removed, not even partially. That was quite out of date and all the experts
reject this operation. You can now treat tonsils, adenoids and such things
quite simply with very diluted thyroid hormone injected into the bottom. He
says, and that seems quite logical, that God hasn’t put tonsils into the body
for nothing and that you can easily treat their functioning and disturbances
with hormones. He’ll write down the prescription for me, but I would suggest
that you wait and see whether he is released so that he can do the treatment
himself. If necessary, Dr. Hay would do it according to his instructions. So
we’ll wait.
As a farewell feast for the Dutchmen, Brose
had a lobster brought in, as big as a calf. I have never seen such a monster.
It could more than feed eight men. For breakfast we then each had half a
grapefruit donated by you and in the evening everyone also had a fat Lloyd
cigar. All that was missing to turn the feast into a symposium was the presence
of you lovely women, and perhaps also a dinner suit. Coffee was donated by
Liebeskind and the cake by the Jew. – I’ll make you a drawing of my cell, or
rather two, one from the window side and one from the door side. I drew this as
a memento for one of the Dutchmen and realized that it was damned difficult for
the simple reason that there is so little in it and the perspectives are so
strange. But you won’t get that before next Friday. Today I drew Liebeskind.
The resemblance is good but it’s a bad drawing. Next time could you bring along
the small drawing book that I gave back to you a while ago. I am enjoying the
photos of the children every day anew, not to mention those of you. I’ll have
another look at them now and then go to bed. It is probably close to ten
o’clock and the candles are already burning down. Good night my sweet one. I
love you. Your E.
28.10.40
This morning
Hölterhoff, Seidel and Wicke arrived from Orange. They say that the entire
camp, including the remaining 16 Germans will be sent to Hay on Friday. Now it
is a matter of staying put here for I certainly don’t want to go to Hay. The
families of the three have already been informed that they are here. We are now
eleven at the German table. – Please bring me the ivory miniature of my mother;
I want to display it with the other pictures. – Brose is in court again today
and it will probably be the crucial session. I hope he gets out. One would wish
it for him and his clients. Poor Messey is in hospital in Orange and is, in
Brose’s opinion, dying. Everything has been done to free him because of his
illness but without success. It is really scandalous. How could the old man
possibly harm the country? I don’t know whether Mrs. Messey knows how bad he is
so don’t mention it if you should happen to meet her one day. – So: and now you
will soon be here. How I’m looking forward to you. My love and good wishes to
you all. Your E.
31.10.40
My Darling!
I have asked Dr. Brose about the children’s worms and he said Beier had a very
good treatment for them. It is called BUTOLAN and you can get it from Tommy
along with directions. It is pills or something to be taken by mouth and it is
supposed to work beautifully. – By the way, what I said last time about
injections of thyroid extract for tonsil and adenoid problems was wrong. It is
only suitable for adults. The treatment
for children is also from Beier and to be taken by mouth; Tommy can tell you
what it is. Brose has forgotten the name. Beier have also put out a pamphlet
for doctors concerning treatment of the tonsils with the Beier medication.
Tommy should give you that too. That contains all the information and you don’t
have to ask a doctor. – What would you
think if I got Moore to make the following submission. To release me to go home
on parole and I will pay wages and provisions for a returned soldier to guard
me. If necessary I won’t leave the enclosure of my garden. At least then I
would be with you. What is your view? Williams thinks that they might do it. Not
much has happened since Monday. Brose is still before the court and expected to
be occupied there all day today. That is now six full days because of some ridiculous
accusations. Only a few Italians have come in new (4 brothers, 1 father and 1
son-in-law) etc. and one young Viennese Jew. We are now 12 men at the German
table. Tomorrow the remaining Germans from Orange are expected here (18 men)
and there are rumors there will soon be another transport to Tatura. I hope I
am not with them. The Madonna lily is as beautiful as on day one and another
bud has opened up. The other two buds are preparing to open. Brose said he will
ask his wife to send you the pamphlet about tonsils etc. (Tommy doesn’t have
any) and after reading it you can get the necessary medications from him (his
office). The medications come from England, not from Beier, as I had first
understood. Incidentally, Brose’s case finished yesterday and before making a
decision they are still waiting for a letter from New Zealand. Anyway, all
accusations were dismissed as ludicrous and unsubstantiated so he is hopeful of
being released. His disadvantage is that the B.M.A. is his enemy because of his
cancer report. This morning Messey and Schmidt (the red-haired one) came down
with a few Italians. Messey doesn’t look good but not as bad as I had expected
either. The entire Orange camp with the remaining Germans (Henry too) will be
sent to Hay today and those who still have to go to court will be fetched down
from Hay und are then supposed to go to Tatura with us when the time comes. I
don’t know what is going to happen with Henry and others. Among the Italians
who arrived here today is Rossi, the man
from New Guinea and the friend of Panozzo. – I was able to see yesterday’s
tornado beautifully from our second storey and I could also watch the water
spout. A good example of the intrusion of course ice into the atmosphere. How did
you experience it out in Collaroy? I haven’t finished drawing my cell yet as it
was not possible yesterday due to the darkness during the thunderstorm. – I
have finished the book about the moon and am still busily reading, or rather
studying the biology books of Brose. – I am looking forward to your coming like
mad. – Do you still love me? I love you enormously! Your E.
3.11.40
My dear
Darling! It seemed to me that on Friday you were particularly tired and worn
out and I only hope that you are not working too hard and overdoing it. Can’t
you hire a help to do the cooking and the housework? And did you hear from Mrs.
Bluett whether she is still looking for a nurse for little Peter? That should
already be a big help. Please ring up Sister Gardiner or Armstrong. Perhaps
they will know somebody. – Was there perhaps something that depressed you last
time and that you preferred not to tell me? – Presumably most people will go to Hay on
Tuesday. The Major was here today and made up the list. I am definitely staying.
Brose, Liebeskind, Meier and the new people from Orange too. Messey will
probably go to hospital. He hasn’t got worse. – I am currently reading König Geiserich with great enjoyment. I
started with Der Berg des Königs but
Gertrud Bäumer’s style doesn’t appeal to me at all. After the first 100 pages I
couldn’t go on. Blunck, in contrast, is a great pleasure, not only content-wise
but even more stylistically. Can you bring me another book by Blunck? I have
read Urvätersaga, Große Fahrt and the
fairytales. Do we have other books by him? If not, then bring in Große Fahrt again. – I am waiting to
hear from you tomorrow whether a) the vaccinations of the boys have shown
reactions and b) whether Silke’s scratch has developed. You have to be careful
with the dosing when you use sulfanilamide on children. – Brose and I are
eating the good jelly by ourselves. It is too precious to pass around,
particularly as they all have enough jams. The last version was the best,
although it could be a little bit firmer. The stuff tastes marvelous! - Sally
(our wonderful Jew) is on the way to ‘becoming mental’. I have never
experienced such a ‘sensual type’. At ten in the morning he shakes with
outrage, runs up and down with fists clenched like a mixture of a berserker, an
idiot and an orangutan, sheds bitter, tremulous tears about nothing and at
eleven he is the Olympian, the grand victor, superior, halcyon and serene
because he has mastered – nothing. Brose and I are sitting in the cell talking
and eating ‘jam’ when he rips open the door with the words ‘ Excuse me! Look at
me! You have never seen me as nice as this! Just look!’ We look into the
victorious shining face of a man who has just defeated all his enemies with a
single stroke of his sword. ‘What has happened?’ we ask full of concern. ‘ I
have just written a Drama! The best that was ever written.’ We congratulate him
and express regret that we can’t celebrate this event appropriately. When we
make a point of not enquiring about the contents he says: ‘That drama will never
be written, it will be ... lived!’ ‘Is
that so,’ we say maliciously, ‘ we thought you had just written a drama.’ ‘It
is all there, all finished, here,’ and with that he points to his forehead with
a thumb released from his armpit. ‘And do you know what the drama is called?’ –
long, long, dramatic pause. – And then with frightening force and suddenness he
hurls the word ‘Revenge!!!’ at us. And with that he freezes in the pose of the
smiling, superior victor. Just as suddenly the pose is then given up and he is normal
old Sally again. ‘Excuse me, I didn’t want to interrupt you,’ and then he
disappears just as unexpectedly while Brose and I sit there with our mouths
gaping. – But it’s impossible to describe it. A completely mad and extremely
unpleasant cockerel who has a moist enunciation as well and heightens its
effect by talking at very close range. Sally will be among the departing on
Thursday and those of us who are staying will cross ourselves when he goes. –
Excuse my writing but I had to give up my table as there are now so many people
here. All the buds of the lily have opened and are still as fresh as on the
first day. And their scent fills my cell, as though a beautiful woman had been
here. But unfortunately it wasn’t you. Do you still love me. I love you more
with every day if that is possible. My darling, how well we are suited to each
other. Zenker is right. It is quite unthinkable that I could have been as happy
with any other woman in every respect as with you. You were just the only one
of the four or five billion women on this earth who was intended for me as
wife, mother of my children and faithful comrade. ‘And to think that I picked
you out of all those women!’ Hihi, I enjoy you so much! –
4.11.40
Now I’ll
spruce myself up for you. Today I am going to give you a drawing of my cell
(view from the window). I haven’t yet created the other view. It’s nothing
special, just a memento of the ‘beautiful’ days here.
A thousand good wishes to you all. Your E.
7.11.40
Quite a lot has happened since you were here last. The
transport which was organized for Hay on Monday was cancelled at the last
moment, apparently because of lack of room in Hay. A new, nice young German
tradesman has been brought in and a few Italians, among them the man who was
shot in the Parramatta river and who has had his leg amputated. Another
Italian, who recently had his arm amputated as the result of a car accident has
also just arrived. Brose is expecting to go to court for the last time tomorrow,
because the letter from New Zealand which they want to have before the verdict
is pronounced will arrive today. Pantano won his case with flying colors and
will presumably be released. Messey has been admitted to hospital ‘pending his
release’. –
Our Jew Sally has surpassed himself. Though
he was so well accepted into our community in spite of his unpleasant and pushy
personality he has managed to compile a long report in which he blackens all
our names, and to give it to the Boss here for the purpose of passing it on to
the CIB (Civil Investigation Branch). This report was the ‘Revenge’ drama that
he announced a while ago, but it has only become a drama for him. We had
suspected something like that for a while because we had frequently noticed
that after certain conversations he would rush off to his room to take notes. I
suppose the lie of the drama was invented to put us off track. On Tuesday
morning the Boss called me into his office and asked me in confidence if I
thought Sally was right in the head. I had to admit that there were definitely
a few screws loose. Then the Boss said that he was of the opinion that he was
‘cuckoo’ and told me of the report he had received from Sally. The report was
nasty but very unclear and confused. He assured me that it would not be sent on
as he didn’t think the man was in his right mind. Would I observe him these
coming days. At lunch on Tuesday when we had just finished eating he whispered
to the Englishman: ‘Quickly tell the Boss. My food has been poisoned, I am
beginning to fall asleep.’ Then he raced into his cell and threw himself on his
bed. Of course that was nonsense since he himself had chosen his bowl from the
60 on offer. Shortly after, the door opened and he called me into his cell.
Would I do him a favor and call the Boss since he was sooo tired and had to
tell him something important. In the morning he had committed the indiscretion
of telling the Englishman about his report so that I could ask him about it
without betraying the confidence of the Boss. I did that and after a stern interrogation
in which he contradicted himself I caught him out and he had to admit that he
had written the report and also handed it in. I then told him what I thought of
him, that he had completely lost his honor and that he was just a low little
informer who wanted to get off at our expense with invented accusations. He
jumped up from the bed (we were alone in the cell) and wanted to grab my
throat. When I didn’t move but just looked at him sternly he became afraid and
dropped his hands. Then he cried that he had done it only for patriotic and not
for selfish reasons ‘for I have discovered the soul of this country and had to
do this for its security.’ I told him that I wouldn’t even give him the benefit
of the doubt but despised him and would warn the others about him. When I then
told the story at the table that night the majority wanted to beat him up
immediately (he himself didn’t come to the table) and Dr. Brose and I had
difficulty persuading them not to do it and instead to punish him by showing
him our contempt and ignoring him. In my mind’s eye I could see the headlines
in Smith’s Weekly: ‘Germans beat up Jew in jail’, or something like that and we
would also have turned him into a martyr. All Wednesday he ran backwards and forwards
like a madman, lay on the lawn and groaned, wept from time to time, and
actually acted the madman but only when the warders were looking. He turned in
circles, pretended to have fisticuffs with the wall and in the evening he lay
in his cell and mimed being dead so well that we became worried and had to
watch him for a considerable time to determine that he was only acting. In the
evening the warder, who had watched the strange behavior, said if he became
raving mad we were to lock him in his cell and push the bolt closed. However
that didn’t happen; he pretended to be dead till we were locked in at 8pm. This
morning he tried to make friends with us again by dashing out of his cell,
throwing butter and sugar on the table and dashing out again just as quickly.
Someone put the things back in front of his door. Then, in despair, he
approached Liebeskind when four of us were standing together. L. only said: ‘Go
away, you dirty pig.’ Thereupon he screamed: ‘Then hit me, why don’t you.’
‘That is probably what you would like,’ said Liebeskind. ‘I would defile myself
if I touched you.’ He [Sally] then ran off limping. This morning the Boss sent for Brose and me
and expressed the opinion that he was in actual fact mad. ‘I have seen many
cases like him. He is running true to form.’ At lunchtime he was then
questioned by a doctor for an hour and probably threatened with being locked in
an observation cell if he continued to act up this way. Since then he has been
behaving quite normally, particularly as he has found an Italian to talk to who
hasn’t been informed. I am interested to
see how his drama will now develop further. The outrage among our people was
immense, particularly as nothing is said here that could be in any way
incriminating. He must have invented it all. To buy freedom for himself he
thinks nothing of blackening our names with invented stories and putting at
risk the freedom and happiness of our families, when all of us are trying to
get out of here. He is certainly ‘mentally unbalanced’ but I don’t think he is
mad and believe that he is responsible for his mean action.
The lilies that Silke gave me lasted till
today and two are still quite fresh. Do we have more in the garden? In the
evening with the candle lit they throw big beautiful shadows onto the wall and
I then lie as in the garden of a silhouette maker. The bean salad was
absolutely super-good! The best we have had here, except perhaps the ‘jam’. Dr
Brose asked me to tell you that upon eating it he had dreamed of beautiful
women all night
and urgently wants the recipe of this
‘harmony-salad’. Though I also thought it was a superb dish, I only had
wonderful dreams of one beautiful woman in the night and that was you. It was
certainly worth your labor and that has been recognized. – I finished reading König Geiserich. It is one of the most
beautiful books I have read. Its style is good and very clear and the parallel
with modern times cannot be ignored. The strength of these fellows lay in their
strict morality and in their faith. Amazing person, this Geiserich. – Brose is
now reading it. – Today’s afternoon was dedicated to sport and I had a really
good work-out and am wonderfully tired this evening. – And tomorrow I’ll see
you again. What joy!
9.11.40
My dear Haseken! Twenty-two years ago today the
Revolution broke out in Germany. What a hard road the German people have walked
since then. And who would have believed that such a growing in strength would
have been possible in such a short time. It is worth thinking about. I won’t
write any more. The spirit of the Vandals. You know what I mean. That
inheritance is still in the blood. These Vandals! On Sunday, when you come, it
will be Armistice Day, the 11/11/1918 at 11 in the morning. Perhaps the great
experience of my life. When will the 11/11 in this war come? – I was called
into the office by the Boss this morning. The Secretary is on leave and he
couldn’t get clear with the books. £9 were missing. I was to help him. After
half an hour I had found the mistake, a hidden accounting error. He was very
happy and grateful and I was very proud since I had never been particularly
good at bookkeeping and my five-finger on the head counting technique is most
inadequate. That took till 4.30pm and the others, who had already been locked
in the building, were starting to think I had gone home. When I did return
Seidel had prepared a festive meal of salad, ham, sausage, appetizers and
coffee (real and strong) and had set a ‘private’ table for Brose, himself,
Wicke and me in Brose’s ‘flat’. After dinner, which couldn’t have been better
and healthier in the Hotel Australia, there was ‘jam’ by the spoon-full and fat
Lloyd cigars. And with it all, amusing and stimulating conversations, so that
the meal really became the most beautiful of feasts and we will probably all
remember this prison orgy for the rest of our lives. The milieu of the cell and
the prison added a very particular flavor to it all. – Yesterday around 8pm
there was a short circuit in the entire prison block and since an electrician
had to be got from the city to rectify this problem the light didn’t go on
again till 9pm. From eight till nine we sat at tables by the light of candles
(for that reason we were only locked up at 9pm) and the whole prison suddenly
had a new and ghostly feel to it and since we 65 men did our best to be quiet
and well behaved so as not to frighten the poor warders in the dark, you could
imagine being part of some secret conspiracy in the catacombs. When the light
then came on again the candles disappeared with lightning speed and nothing
could have been proved. Then the call came ‘all in’ and in no time we had all
disappeared in our caves, the bolts clanged sharply and if you looked through
the peep-hole into the well-lit hall, now empty and sober as usual, it was
really as though the hour by candle-light had been a hallucination. Such are
our diversions. – On Monday I will give you precise instructions from Brose
concerning the children’s worms. – Now I
have to continue the story of Sally, alias with his true Jewish name Schmuel
ben Jehudi. On Friday he again ran around with the face of a mentally disturbed
person and then threw himself onto his bed in the cell where he remained
groaning. Around nine his wife came to visit. When the warders informed him of
this he refused to see her. The poor woman wept and almost broke down. The
warders again tried to persuade him to see his wife. But Sally again refused.
Then we decided that he really was mad and to send Brose in to tell him that if
he apologized for his action then we would accept him into our community again.
Brose did this and he was so grateful that he embraced Brose and kissed him on
the cheek, much to Brose’s disgust. Then he agreed to see his wife. At
lunchtime he then came rushing out of his cell, positioned himself in front of
us most theatrically with arms spread wide and screamed: ‘Pater peccavi. I was
mad. I made a terrible mistake. Forgive me!’ and dashed back into his cell. He
then began to pack and cried: ‘I have to live like an ascetic, I will only keep
toothbrush and soap, and will have only tea and dry bread. Everything else I
will send home again!’ Our other Jew, Löwy went to him and tried to convince
him not to do something so stupid, but to no avail. Then I went to him and said
that we would forgive him if he could comprehend that he had committed an act of great meanness against us and if he
apologized. He then swore that he had not intended to do anything bad and gave
me a copy of his report to the CIB. And when I had read that I could see
immediately that he was crazy. He had the perception that he had been sent to
Long Bay to be tested as to whether he would be a suitable Secret Service man
and for that reason we had all been interned for appearances sake and all of us
twelve Germans, Australians and Englishmen were here only to investigate him
and test him, each one of us entrusted with a special task. And in consequence,
the whole report that he had written was in the following vein: ‘Hihi. I have
seen through the comedy. Not bad; but I wasn’t deceived by it! A. has this
role. B. has that one, this trick was good, that one too transparent etc. I
think that I have now proved my competence and that you can now take me into
your service. Please be so good and order a taxi to come to the gates of the
jail for me on the stroke of nine. My wife will be delighted and very proud of
me. Yours respectfully ...’ ‘Do you now
believe that my intentions were not bad,’ he cried. I had to assure him that I
believed it. Then he embraced me too. I just managed to avoid a kiss. I then
had a serious talk with him and made it clear to him that he was well on the
way to becoming mad and warned him that the Boss had threatened to put him in
the observation cell if he continued on like this, and then I scolded him and
gave him a piece of my mind. Thereupon he decided not to send the food-stuff
home but to distribute it among impecunious comrades; he wanted to do that
through Löwy for he was determined to chastise himself. Löwy expressed the
opinion that he wasn’t mad because of his report but because he wanted to give
away his things. That offended Löwy’s common sense to such an extent that he
refused to be the executor of such madness. Then Meier took responsibility for
the ‘treasures’ and brought them onto the table in the order of their
perishability and generously helped himself to the tobacco. Löwy couldn’t bear
the sight of that and in his caring
hands one sausage after the other, tobacco, eggs and bacon secretly found their
way back into the cell of the ascetic who is now eating with us at the table
again, albeit with a lot of slurping and attention seeking. He is having only
bitter tea and dry bread whereas during the night the sausages etc in the cell of the ascetic
become shorter day by day in spite of the door being locked. Just as mysterious
is the matter of the countless cigarette buts in the sweepings of the ascetic. – Ever since then Schmuel ben
Jehudi has been happy, sees his wife and is grateful to anyone to whom he can
speak moistly for a few minutes (nobody can stand it for much longer). Now I wonder
whether this will be the end of it. – That’s the story of Sally, alias Schmuel
ben Jahudi. It is comic, it is tragic, but first and foremost it is disgusting.
13.11.1940
Today is Wednesday and since I wrote the above much
has happened. Firstly, that you didn’t come on Monday. Farmer told me that you
couldn’t come because you had laryngitis and Wicke, who had seen his mother,
confirmed that. I was somewhat worried about you since the children with their
worms are not quite well either and things have to be pretty bad before you
take to your bed. When Farmer rang up today he said that you were up again but
didn’t yet know for sure whether you could come on Friday. I asked him to tell
you not to come if you weren’t completely well yet. Anyway, I wish you good
health and a speedy recovery. These throat infections (tonsillitis as it
emerged via the telephone today) are nasty and through the poisoning they sap
your strength. I hope the children were spared. Anyway, I’ll hear through Mrs.
Wicke on Friday how you are even if you yourself cannot come. – I have finished
reading the book about ‘man above forty’ and since I had also read about the
virtues of fasting in one of Brose’s books on naturopathy, I decided on Sunday
to eat nothing for a week and not to smoke either and have kept that up so far.
But it is quite difficult since in this stable there are few diversions other
than meals and smoking. But I have insisted on sitting at the table with the
rest and watching them eat. The first, second and third day are supposed to be
the worst. So by tomorrow it will have become easier. I also enjoy exercising
my will-power. I don’t know yet for how long I will give up smoking. Perhaps
I’ll also go back to that on Monday, but in a measured way. But I am going to
start eating again on Monday, that’s for sure. What a stupid decision not to
eat for a whole week! The only ones enjoying themselves are the others who eat
my share and have fun making my mouth water. –
Sally’s story can now be concluded, at
least in so far as it concerns us here. Yesterday he had another one of his
attacks and got completely undressed in his cell. He insisted that he was now
the true Schmuel ben Jehudi, all the clothes, all the things that were in the
cell belonged to E. and he wanted nothing more to do with the fellow. All
efforts of persuasion on the part of the warders and Löwy were to no avail. He
remained naked and everything that belonged to ‘E.’ was flung out of the cell.
Then the warder suggested to leave E. in the cell with his stuff and for Schmuel
to move to another cell. Thereupon he took his palliasse and blanket and went
up the stairs naked. Half way up he turned to the assembled men and cried that
he was now only Schmuel ben Jehudi and that he no longer knew E., the gourmet,
the spoiled posh gentleman. The expression on his face was quite terrible to
see since the dark shadow of madness already lay upon it. At night he was
reasonably peaceful and lay naked on his palliasse with only a blanket over his
legs. A miserable sight. In the morning I had to help the warder to take water
for washing into his cell and settle him as he was terribly agitated and on the
point of becoming violent. But we succeeded in keeping him quiet and even
persuaded him to drink some tea and remain in the cell. Around midday then the
soldiers of the Military Police came and took him to the Reception House. He
went along quietly as he was told he was going to join his friends. Brose was
of the opinion that he was a ‘dope fiend’, opium or cocaine. I have never seen
such a change towards mental and physical dissolution as in this man. And he
had an aura of foul vapors and decay about him that it was almost impossible to
stomach being with him and I was nearly sick when I packed his things on an
empty stomach. ‘Sic transit gloria mundi’, in this case Sally, alias Schmuel
ben Jahudi. And we are all glad to be rid of him.
15.11.40
Today I had to help with the accounts again and in
doing that found out that two transports are leaving on Monday. The Italians
are going to Orange, which is apparently being opened again, and the Germans to
Hay. Seidel, Schmidt, Meier, Hölterhoff, the Englishman Acroyd and I are
staying here. Brose and Liebeskind have to leave too. Brose is rather ‘upset’
and furious. But more about that another time. I regret him leaving. – I will
see you today and hope that you will be quite well again. I am looking forward
to you so much! Enough for today. Your Ekke ( Have kept strictly to fasting and
no-smoking rules since Monday.)
17.11.40
Mein liebes süsses Kerlchen! It was so sweet and also so self-sacrificing
of you that you came last Friday after all, even though you were by no means
well yet. I hope it didn’t delay your recovery. Anyway, I was extremely glad to
see you since I was rather worried about you.
I more or less stuck to my fast for the
seven days. Apart from some orange juice and some water each day nothing passed
through my gullet and I haven’t smoked either. Today, Monday, I had some grated
apple and cornflakes on Brose’s recommendation, since seven of our German
comrades have to go to Hay tomorrow and I want to be able to participate in the
farewell meal. I had the same for dinner, just a bit more and some dates. I
still feel fine and my hunger is enormous! But the fast was very strenuous, not
just as an effort of will but also physically strenuous which probably also had
to do with giving up smoking at the same time. Tomorrow I want to eat normally
again and cautiously smoke a few cigarettes. I was pleased with myself that I
persevered for 168 hours and it also brought me some admiration, though mixed
with irony, from the others. I think a fast like that does you good, but only
if you have the leisure for it. Please don’t try it when you have so much to do
at the moment. – I hope you didn’t drive those people to Bondi on Saturday; the
weather was altogether too nasty and not good for you in your condition. –
Something really positive: Brose is staying here. His wife talked to Billy
Hughes and Spender personally and they have arranged it. I now think that he
will get out too since those two are on his side and more powerful than his
enemies. That is marvelous. Here in the camp we have become friends for life. -
Even though I was a little disappointed with the mental results of the fast, I
still think I am making headway with finding
my new path. But I can’t be more specific yet. – We are now 76 people; 34 Italians and 7
Germans are leaving and 9 Germans are staying. Unfortunately Wicke is among
those who are going. – Brose and I are
getting on better with Williams (the Boss) all the time and have interesting
conversations with him every day. I regularly help him with the books and the
transportation lists since the secretary is on leave; as a result I find out a
lot that the others don’t hear or perhaps hear days later. – I am looking
forward to your coming tomorrow but only want to see you if you are really
quite well again and it is not too much for you. I have to say that we men have
gained enormous respect of our wives during this time of internment. Even
though I believed you capable of considerable achievements and initiative, I
never thought that you would be so capable, brave and perspicacious when I was
imprisoned. I take my hat off to you and to Gisela too. – Enough for today. I
am still too exhausted to write much. Your E.
I don’t think the war will go on for much
longer. It would be a blessing for mankind if the murdering could stop. It is
just too horrific.
19.11.40 Mein liebes, gutes Kerlchen! It was so lovely to see you and Silke
yesterday. Silke didn’t look particularly well but better than I had expected.
That you still have those pussy tonsils is horrible and I only hope that you
will soon be able to have the Casbis injection done because Brose is of the
opinion that it will cure you completely in a few days. I hope you will be
quite well again on Friday. Because of the others, the Broses, the Wickes etc.
our togetherness was somewhat disrupted and we didn’t have much of an
opportunity to talk to each other. I was rather depressed about that when I
returned to my cell after saying good-bye to you, so much so, that I read for
almost one and a half candle lengths which must have been till long after
midnight. But I suppose there are always these ups and downs under such circumstances
and when your health is finally restored we will also be able to make more of
the short visiting hour in future. If it is getting too much for you to visit
twice a week, which considering your work-load would be very understandable,
just come once a week for a while till you are feeling stronger. So much
depends on you that I don’t want to be a further burden. What about doing that
for a while? I don’t need to tell you, my sweet, sweet beloved, how much I look
forward to seeing you. But I am prepared to do without everything if that makes
your life with all its responsibilities easier. – Today is the first day after
my fast that I’m aware of all the benefits. I haven’t felt as well and strong
physically and mentally for a long time. I can now sympathize with Heini whose
hands were yearning for an axe as an outlet for his pent-up energy. Anyway, I am sure I will come out of this
period of imprisonment stronger than when I went in. I also think that our
plans for the future will soon ripen in me, even though I can’t say anything
definite yet, as I told you last time. But I can see the direction clearly in
front of me and have already eliminated paths that are impossible for me,
which, even though initially negative is a positive step towards clarity. What
is also positive is that I have a firm conviction and almost know that I will
find my way. Last night around 8pm the ten Germans going to Hay were
transported off. As a farewell, I penned an occasional poem in ten minutes and
though it wasn’t a work of art it aroused mirth all round and made for a good
mood for the departure. (You don’t believe it, do you?) Unfortunately there was
no time to make a copy. Liebeskind and Wicke were quite downhearted and we all
felt very sorry for them. The people still here are: Brose, Seidel, Meier,
Acroyd, Hölterhoff, Schmidt, Riedmüller, myself and a new German who was picked
up from the bush this morning and who is nothing special but fits well into our
group; his name is Spiegler. Brose and I have decided that we will now take it
in turns to give lectures in the evening twice a week. My first one will
probably be a summary of the Welteislehre.
That will break the monotony. – I hope you are no longer annoyed about the
traffic fine, it is not worth getting excited about it even though it was very
unjust. Moore will fix it up for you without a problem. – The thought of not
being with you for Christmas is depressing, particularly because of the
children. But the tree will probably make them forget the absence of their father.
21.11.40 Yesterday we had the first of our so-called ‘lecturettes’. Brose
spoke for an hour about glands, their nature and importance. We had set up the
benches as in school and the entire crew attended. It was an enormous success
and the Italians were quite touching in their gratitude and their intense
concentration. It was even suggested we have lectures every night but we have
decided to stick to three times a week. On Saturday I will talk about the
theory of ice in outer space (Welteislehre)
and on the coming Tuesday Rossi will speak about New Guinea and gold
prospecting etc. In the literary digest you brought along last time there was a
wonderful article by Alexis Carrell about self-discipline. Did you read it? He
is about to write a new book which we must buy when it comes out. - I am very much looking forward to your visit
tomorrow, if only to make sure that you are well again and to hear whether the
Casbis injection helped you. I want to see you well and strong and therefore
happy again. Brose thinks that the reason why Sulfanilamide didn’t help was
that you were ‘generally run down’. For Sulfanilamide doesn’t work as a direct
poison for the bacteria but as a stimulus for the body to create its own
defenses. On Brose’s advice you should take Vitamin [B] I tablets. You can get
them at Brose’s office. Their effect is supposed to be excellent. -
22.11.40 Tomorrow evening I will give my lecture. I will concentrate on the
topic ‘The Moon and the Deluge’ because that will probably be the easiest and
most interesting for our type of audience. I am really looking forward to it.
Now I will get ready for your visit. I can’t
wait for it. Today my desire for love and tenderness is particularly strong and
my love for you is burning like a torch. Haseken! Just wait till we are free!
I have the feeling that there will soon be
a big Christmas peace offensive. I hope the enemy powers will settle their
differences soon. A thousand good wishes and still more kisses to you all. Your
E.
24.11.40 Mein liebes, süsses Haseken! The
visit last Friday was one of the most beautiful we have had together. You
looked so pretty and quite well again with your red cheeks and they gave us
such a lovely long time and we had so much to tell each other. It was wonderful
and the joy lasted for quite a long time afterwards. The flowers are beautiful
and for the enjoyment of all I put them on the dining table during the day and
at night they embellish my cell. The garden must be quite lovely now! How much
I would love to come home, even for just a day! When I have to go to court soon
I’ll try and get permission to quickly drive out to Collaroy with a guard for
an hour or so. Next time Major Lindrum comes out here I will approach him about
it. He can’t say more than ‘no’. I think I have deserved a small privilege for
good behavior. – So yesterday I gave my lecture from 6-7pm and the warden came
in too and listened to it. All 50 ‘prisoners of war’ were assembled and we had
lined up the benches again as in school. The dark brown wall was used as a
blackboard on which I drew my circles with chalk. The topic was ‘The Great
Deluge’. I prepared a bit that afternoon
but then spoke without notes. It was really a big success and I managed to
speak without ums and ahs and stuttering and to develop my ideas clearly. Brose
claimed, without flattering me, that my presentation was better than that of
most university lecturers. But I had a very receptive audience and for these
people it was something quite new. It was a delight to see their bright eyes
and their concentrated and interested faces and at the end we had another half
hour of questions and answers. Even Brose was fascinated since the Welteislehre was something new for him.
In short: it was a lot of fun, particularly as the people are so grateful for
stimulation of this sort. During the day
I was again helping Williams in the office with the books. I take more and more
pleasure in this man who has changed so completely since I have known him and
is at last becoming the genuine fellow he really is. The conversations with him are extremely
stimulating and enjoyable. – I am discovering again and again how great my
influence on people is and how easy it is for me to ‘get under their skin’. I
don’t say this boastfully, just stating a fact. You’ll know what I mean.
25.11.40
Last night Rossi gave his talk about ‘Goldmining in
New Guinea’ which also aroused a lot of interest and gained a lot of applause and
which was a good speech. On Tuesday Acroyd will speak about India where he was
born and raised. Quite unpolitically, of course. – This morning I spent another
hour doing office work, also read and played some sport. In this way we pass
our long days. And in an hour or so I will see you again. What joy! Will you be
bringing Uwe this time? – Some time this week another transport will leave.
Brose and I will not be among them. It would be good if they moved off some of
the Italians because it is too loud and crowded now, even though we would then
lose some of our audience. – Mrs. Rossi who is an Australian and who looks very
nice lives in Collaroy. Rossi has already told her about you and us and she
would love to visit you. He (Rossi) saw her this morning and couldn’t give her
our address and telephone number. Would you perhaps ring her some time and invite
her; in the evening would probably be best. Her address is: Mrs. Rossi, c/o
Woodard, 2 Pittwater Road, Collaroy. Tel: XW 8482. – I’ll see you a bit later.
A thousand greetings and kisses to you all. Your E.
29.11.40 Liebes Kerlchen! The days
since Monday passed fairly quickly or better, relatively quickly. I had to help
the Boss prepare the lists and books for the two transports and in payment was
again given early information about who is being exiled to Hay and who to
Orange. Yesterday morning the Italians (30 men) got up at the crack of dawn and
at 7am the locked cells of those remaining were then opened. The noise from 5
to 7am was enormous and the dirt they left behind no less. In the evening
(yesterday on 28/11) at 8pm the 5 Germans were then marched off to Hay. This
pitiable group consisted of: Seidel, Hölterhoff, Spindler, Schmidt and
Riedmüller. Those still here are: Brose, Meier, Acroyd and I and Janssen, who
turned up here from Hay in the course of yesterday with a few Italians. Janssen
is soon to appear before the court. I felt very sorry for Seidel, particularly
because a new regulation from Victoria Barracks has forbidden all calls, even ones
made by the Boss. Seidel had no way of informing his wife to give her the
opportunity to come one last time to see him and Mrs. Hölterhoff just happened
to be here this afternoon so that Hölterhoff could at least see his wife. That
was messed up for us by Löwy whose bride (a Viennese Jewess) is supposed to
have claimed at Victoria Barracks that she had talked on the phone with Löwy,
which wasn’t true at all. So it could happen that one day when the court-case
is over I will just disappear soundlessly without informing you unless some
coincidental visit offers the opportunity to inform you and you have to be
prepared for that. Seidel was sent off even though Victoria Barracks had given
him permission to stay. So there is the possibility that I could be sent to Hay
even before Christmas. Don’t be sad about that. Obviously I’ll try to stay
here. –
What Janssen reports about Hay is not very
nice. Dusty, without a green leaf, flies, disgusting toilet facilities and wild
dissension among the Italians. It is supposed to be so bad that the camp
leadership is apparently in complete despair. The judges from the Advisory
Committee were in Hay last weekend to inform themselves. The 20 or so Germans
of course have no say amongst the 100 or so Italians and apart from that, there
are also rows and disagreements among them. Henry has had a fight with the
‘Pernance’
Kaiser etc. By the way, Kaiser, Griese,
Poggendorf and amazingly Neumann have been released. The last piece of news
(Neumann) was told me by Moore who came to visit me this morning to discuss the
Clarkson matter with me. He doesn’t believe he is in a position to get
permission from V.B. that I stay here even after the court-case instead of
being sent to Hay. But he can delay the Clarkson case till after Christmas,
meaning it would probably not come up till February. Since that doesn’t involve
the risk of losing money or the case I have asked him to postpone the matter
till after Christmas. Moore is of the opinion that I have been forgotten here.
‘So don’t muck it up by asking silly questions.’ – I have asked him to arrange
the matter of the walk to the dentist with V.B. and told him that you would
arrange a time for next week with Pigott and then inform him. A had a nasty
abscess on one of my teeth and cured it in two days with Ularon
(Sulfanilamide). Isn’t that amazing!
Do you still love me? Yes! Good! All my love,
Your E.
1.12.40 Mein liebes Kerlchen! Friday was another one of those beautiful
visiting days alone with you. I was so glad you looked so well and pretty and
were also so happy. It appears that you are over the poisoning that comes with
tonsillitis. Silke’s little comment that she thought it was about time that
Ekke came home made me both sad and happy. And I was absolutely delighted with
her very first letter. The first letter is really the first step towards
growing up, in the transition from the dreamlike existence of the child to becoming a conscious person. Silke’s
letter really brought to mind what an enormous step mankind took when it
invented writing, a step just as significant as the earlier invention of
language. In contrast, little Uwe is still a dreamer. Peter’s next big
achievement will be learning to walk. It’s about time, the lazy little fellow!
I am looking forward so much to him and Gisela tomorrow afternoon. Since the 30
Italians and 5 Germans left, things have quietened down somewhat here but we
are still about forty men. A few more Italians and two young Germans were
brought in yesterday and the day before. One of the Germans is really a
Dutchman, but left a German ship and at the time Holland was invaded he refused
to go back to Holland and fight. Consequently the Dutch Consul will have
nothing to do with him anymore and since he has no papers it was impossible for
him to prove that he wasn’t a German. Both of the men are married to
Australians but have no children. I have never seen anybody arrive here so
downcast, you could almost say weak and lily-livered as that Dutchman. But we
are starting to have an influence on him and today he even smiled once. The
other man asked to be interned because he had been out of work for six months
and just couldn’t stand the ‘nagging’ of his wife anymore. The poor fellow
looked half starved and had been at a police station for eleven days before he
was taken here. A bit like me in Bourke Street. But we will have fixed him up
too in a few days time. – Yesterday evening Brose gave another very interesting
talk about glands which was also very well received by the less educated
Italians. Tonight I will give a talk on gliding. – It was raining all day today
and since we didn’t want to stay inside all the time I suggested to Brose to
put on our shorts and walk in the rain. We did that; Brose stayed out for five
minutes while I jogged bare-topped with shorts for an hour and a half with intermittent
gymnastics and breathing exercises. It was really marvelous although everybody
thought I had reached the first step of Sally-madness. After that a hot bath, a
cold shower and a spoon of ‘jam’. I now feel wonderful and as hungry as a berserker. .
2.12.40 Yesterday I gave my lecture about gliding; it went smoothly and
flowed well and aroused a lot of interest and enthusiasm. Strangely enough
Brose had no knowledge of the theory of gliding and was extremely interested. It
lasted for an hour and a quarter and I drew beautiful pictures of landscapes
with ideal thermal conditions, up-drafts, and storm fronts onto the black wall.
In short: it was a nice success and Farmer listened to it too. – When we were
locked up at 8pm Farmer allowed us to be locked up together and we then talked
and played chess till 10.15. I beat Brose twice. When the light was switched
off I then moved back into my digs. – Brose and I are reading a beautiful book
about stars and atoms together. I read it out aloud and then we discuss it. In
the evenings I then read the wonderful book by Jeans The Universe around Us by myself so that I will soon have a
detailed understanding of the world of stars and atoms. – By the way, I
purposely didn’t prepare for the lecture and noticed that if you know the
material about which you are speaking well, it is not at all hard to speak
fluently. Anyway, it’s good training for me since by nature I have severe
inhibitions about speaking in public. – Now I will see you soon and can’t
wait!! All my love, Your E.
6.12.40 I can only write you a short letter today because when playing
bowls I tore off and bent over the nail of my middle finger right to the root
and am therefore handicapped when writing. Nothing much new has happened. On Wednesday
Janssen spoke about his flights from Australia to Europe and Rossi spoke about
New Guinea in general. The first was a bit boring, the latter very good and
interesting though not new for me.
The business with the dentist on Wednesday
was a typical stuff-up. On Tuesday Victoria Barracks called the Boss and said
that I would be picked up on Wednesday afternoon. I waited ‘all dolled up’ till
five o’clock and heard nothing more till Moore rang up on Thursday and said
that I couldn’t be taken out without the recommendation of the doctor here. The
Boss said that he would ’fix’ it for me, but probably not before next week. I
was quite angry particularly when I thought of you sitting in the waiting room
and having come to town and wasted so much of your precious time for nothing.
Were you furious? Poor darling!
The wife of the Dutchman who, by the way,
is now perfectly okay and has turned into a nice and lively young fellow is a
pediatric nurse and kindergarten teacher and since she has to work now, I have
suggested that you two should meet. That is to be arranged this afternoon. I
have the feeling that it could be the right thing for you since she is not
afraid of work and prepared to help in the kitchen and the household as well. I
said that she could then visit her husband along with you while he is here
though that will probably only be till next week. She is a Tasmanian by birth
and has become either Dutch or German through marriage. I don’t think it can
harm me even if she should have to register as a German in Collaroy. I haven’t
met her but Acroyd who saw her this morning said that she looked very nice.
Anyway you can have a talk to her. As a nurse she earned 30s and would probably
come to us for the same.
That’s probably all for today. It’s
uncomfortable to be writing. All my love to you all and to you my sweet darling
a strong embrace in my thoughts. Your E.
9.12.1940 My Darling! Today is such a hot, tiring day and you poor Haseken
have to travel the long way from Collaroy by bus and tram. I only hope that you
will at least take a taxi from town. I can just imagine how annoying the stupid
car accident was for you. I personally am glad that only the car was a little
damaged and nothing happened to you or others. I am just sorry that the car is
not at your disposal today. But see to it that you have it again on Monday when
I have to go to the dentist. Nothing much has happened since Friday. A new
German, the chef of the Pacific Hotel in Manly. Nothing exciting. On Saturday
night Brose gave a lecture on stars which was interesting and comprehensible
and met with considerable applause. I have also started to sketch Brose and believe
that it will be good. I am a little handicapped because of my finger but it has
healed up today and now I only have to wait till the nail grows back. There was
no puss at all. Bill the Cowboy came from Hay yesterday. A very ordinary
fellow. He says that all the German accounts in Hay have been closed and that
this week the Hay-Germans would be brought either to Orange or to Tatura.
Orange would be nice. Next Saturday (the 14th November) I will have
been interned for six months, probably four of those in prison. It has
certainly been a long time to be away from you! I hope the war will end soon.
I am reading, or more accurately studying,
Astronomy and Astrophysics with wild enthusiasm. I am just reading the book by
Jeans The Universe Around Us. So far,
the Welteislehre does not contradict
Jeans’ views and where he admits to gaps in the chain of logic the Welteislehre fills them. It is so
exciting that I could hardly go to sleep last night. Not only because of the
innumerable mosquitoes. Talking of mosquitoes: Next time you come or whenever
you have time please bring along mosquito netting. We want to put it in front
of the windows. Brose and I together will need a piece two to two and a half
foot wide and seven or eight foot long. We will then cut that in half and stick
it to the window with adhesive tape. We have enough of the latter. Rossi and I
have spoken with the Boss about Christmas. We asked whether our wives could
come in and drink coffee with us. But it is absolutely impossible for any
outsider ever to set their foot further into this hallowed institution than into
the visiting room. But we will get an extra visiting day on the first or second
day of Christmas. He can’t say anything definite since it depends on the number
of people who are here then. The fewer there are, the easier it will be to
allow privileges. – A thousand kisses to you all, E.
Attached is a poem by Henry Lawson who once
‘did time’ in Long Bay.
Doing Time
It’s a bitter day of sorrow when you drink the cup of shame,
When you’re branded with a number and forced to drop your name.
When you don the beastly garments for the outcome of your crime.
It’s a bitter, sad reflection, when you find you’re ‘doing time’.
At night when you’re surrounded by the dirty white-washed walls
A’listening to the hours chime as the warder pays his calls
Or perhaps you may be dreaming of the one you love so well
When suddenly you’re awakened by the chiming of a bell.
You rise and dress in silence, still listening to its mournful
chime,
And as you roll your bedding you recall you’re ‘doing time’.
You march into the yard, your heart as heavy as lead.
There you’re handed a dish of homony and a lousy lump of bread.
You toe the line at muster and respectfully salute,
And you’re forced to answer ‘Here Sir’ to some big dirty brute.
The next is to your labors you walk into the yard
Accompanied by a big fat screw to see that you work hard.
You breast up to the workshop with the feeling so sublime.
There you think of all the fun there is attached to ‘doing time’.
You do your work in silence though it hurts your free-born pride
To think that you are under men that you could – outside.
The hill of life is a steep one; it’s a long and dreary climb.
But it’s a bloody sight steeper, Bill old boy, when you find you’re
‘doing time’.
Henry Lawson,
Long Bay Prison.
9.12.40 Bill the Cowboy came from Hay yesterday. He is a very common sort
of fellow. He said that all the German accounts in Hay have been closed and
that the Hay-Germans were being taken either to Orange or Tatura this week.
Rossi and I spoke to the Boss about
Christmas. We asked whether our wives could come in and have coffee with us.
However, it is quite impossible for any stranger ever to penetrate further than
the visiting room in this hallowed institution. But we will get an extra
visiting day on the first or second holiday. He can’t say for sure because it
depends on the number of people who are here then. The fewer there are, the
easier it is to grant privileges.
13.12.40 Today’s letter will not be long as I have worked all day in the
office filling in ‘red tape’ forms for the last few days. The Boss has
discovered my typing skills and since he hates typing himself he has enlisted
me. – That was a stuff-up again on Wednesday but it was really marvelous to see
you. It was quite a new experience to be in town with you. Amazingly, we got back to Long Bay without having
a car accident. I have written a draft of the letter to Mother and will read it
to you during your visit today. It is fairly certain that I won’t be sent away
before Christmas ‘but the Almighty (V.B.) moves in mysterious ways’. So it is
not certain. More next time. – Will Gisela and little Peter be coming along
today? All my love, Your E.
15.12.40
Mein
liebes Haseken! I want to start to write to you a
bit earlier today so that the letter won’t be as short as last time. In the
meantime I have typed 45 forms and a few letters for the Boss and gleaned his
thanks. As a ‘reward’ he intends to lobby V.B. to give us decent privileges at
Christmas time. I made the suggestion that he should try and push through that we are allowed to see our wives and
children for a few hours on the lawn near the main drive since the prison
administration will not allow visitors to penetrate the sanctum of the prison.
They can get soldiers to guard us as they did initially in Orange in case they
are afraid we will run away. I hope his luck is in. It doesn’t look as though
there would be a transport to Hay before Christmas. Poor Brose heard
‘indirectly’ today that he will not be released. ‘He is taking it marvelously
well’. The decent fellow in me is very sad about it all, the egoist is
delighted since I would find it very hard to do without his company and his
stimulating conversation. It will probably be a harder blow for his wife than
for him because I think she was quite certain that he would be released. –
During the last week we had another two lectures by Brose about stars and one
by Campion about China. They were all very interesting although for me nothing
very new was said, particularly as I have become half an astronomer myself
through my reading. The book that I would like is The Universe around Us by Sir James Jeans., published by the
University Press, Cambridge. I imagine that it could be hard to get here; but Preece
will be able to get it for you. On Monday I’ll give you a few other titles as
well. As a real Christmas present from you and Gisela I would like a nice (but
not too expensive) normal sized chess set with collapsible board; the figures
will then always remind me of the time in camp. The travel set is too hard to
manage for daily use.
Unfortunately there has been friction among
the men at our table for some time. The reason is that that revolting fellow
Meier can’t stand Janssen and keeps on stirring against him. The lovely harmony
we had has disappeared. Tonight at dinner I want to bring the matter up and
clear the air one way or the other. If there is no other way, Meier will have
to eat in his cell; he will just be excluded if he doesn’t make an effort. He
has all the character flaws that can be combined in one body. The worst of them:
enviousness and resentment, arrogance mixed with inferiority complexes. – By now it is evening and we have had our
military tribunal with the result that Janssen and Meier gave each other a
handshake of reconciliation and apology, all sorts of other little things were
brought up too and settled nicely and now there is complete harmony and I was
unanimously voted in as official mediator. A ‘Rütli-oath’ was sworn by all to
keep the peace, to promote good comradeship, to discuss all disputes openly and
not behind people’s backs and where no agreement is reached, to turn to the
peace-negotiator (which is me). Now everything is okay again and since then the
mutual politeness is almost too much to bear. But I repeat: Meier is and
remains a grouser and a selfish pig. But with the dignity of my new office I
will make sure that he doesn’t overdo it.
Today I had an interesting and impressive
experience. I had the idea that we could accompany the Catholics, about 30
Italians and apart from Brose and me two or three other Germans, to the prison
chapel this morning. We first went through a few yards that were opened with a
rattle of keys and were then admitted into the convict-built church through a
narrow door. The church was nice and bright and clean and down below there were
pews as in any other church. The altar was simple and beautiful and above it
was a really fine stained glass window with a picture of the prodigal son
coming home and being embraced by his father; in this place, it is a very
appropriate motif for a church window. We sat in the first six rows of pews on
the left and watched two nuns who were busy at the altar, one quite old and one
young, both with intelligent faces and a kindly expression. The older one then
came and spoke with some of our Italians while the younger one played softly on
the harmonium. A piano was there too and Brose got the idea to ask whether he
could play there some time. Rossi then went over to the old nun and she wanted
to try and get permission for him. She then came to us and Rossi introduced us.
Then the kindly old woman said that it was a pity that Mussolini was not
fighting on the British side. She wanted to say something nice and we could
only smile pleasantly. She thought we were Italians. – Then the female prisoners
filled the gallery; it was closed off with curtains of thin tulle so that you
could only see the women sitting there like shadows. And finally the criminals
from ‘down below’, as they say here, came from the other side. These sat on the
pews next to us on the right hand side; there was only the aisle between us. And
while they (about 75 men) were practicing Christmas carols with the young nun,
among them also ‘Silent Night, Holy Night’, and Brose and I were trying not to
get too emotional, we could study them. And I can assure you that my fingers
never felt such an urge to draw faces. The faces of all kinds of criminals:
strong, weak, brutal and crafty, old and young and also a percentage who looked
quite normal. No 171 looked like a rat and could move both eyes independently.
His face and his right eye looked ahead while the left was watching us. His
eyes were small and soulless like those of a rat. His neighbor, No 120 was a
typical murderer, a high heavy skull like a tower, heavy jowls, a brutal chin
and a course nose. Also little pig’s eyes. A very heavy bony body and he was
constantly sweating and wiping his face and neck with a dirty cloth. He looked
as though he was afraid of the tortures of hell. A third, No. W, was a posh
looking man, though with a somewhat brutal chin; but in ordinary clothes he
would never have been recognized for the murderer he was: ‘In for the term of
his natural life’. It was somehow incongruent that the strong face wore an
expression of complete hopelessness, aimlessness and indifference. ‘He’ll go
out only with his feet first’, the warder whispered to me. A fourth, No. Y, had
one of those really messed up faces and was constantly licking his lips with
his tongue. He was about 60 years old and the type of the weak criminal. And
then there was one (now don’t laugh) who
was such a spit image of Xavier that I had to look over a few times to make
sure whether it was him or not. Let’s call him No. X. [..] I couldn’t find out
what his crime was but have to assume that it was something really original and
unusual, or in any case, that his motives were. On the last seat were a whole
lot of homosexuals, queens as they are called here. More repulsive than the
rough true criminals and not even interesting. – Those are only a few random
examples. Now imagine: These men are reverently singing ‘Silent Night, Holy
Night’ while a young nun accompanies them on the harmonium. It was quite
unreal, ‘uncanny’. I had to think of Dante’s Purgatory. Up to then about forty
minutes had passed. Then the priest came in his elaborate vestments. A young
person who stuttered a bit and reeled his Latin and English off like an
automaton. His actions at the altar were also quite automatic. He preached
extremely badly about the divinity of Jesus Christ and the blessings of
confession which they all ‘had to’ go to on Friday. Through confession they
could free themselves of their sins and make peace with God. ‘It is so simple. You only need to confess
and be sorry, really sorry, and God will forgive you all your sins.’ (Too
simple.) During the litany the old nun in her black garments knelt by the steps
of the altar and from time to time she rang the little silver bell whereupon
all bowed down low like grass in the wind. ( The opportunity to whisper or
exchange something?) At the end came the hymn ‘Immaculata’ and an Advent hymn
and then the priest moved off into the sacristy. The young nun then approached
Brose and me and asked: ‘New arrivals?’ And when we nodded she said with a
kindly and loving look that could almost have been called worldly: ‘Isn’t it a
shame that two men like you should be in here.’ We thanked her for her
compassion and then she took herself off. The internees went out and the
criminals followed us with a wistful gaze. They probably envied us. The ‘lifer’
in particular had an expression that I won’t easily forget. – I took a table
into my cell with me this evening in order to write. For Brose has my little
one in his room and the lights have just been turned off and now two candles
are burning and in the middle is the beautiful, colorful bunch of flowers that
you brought in for me last time. We are really lucky and the poor fellows from
‘down below’ have every reason to envy us. Even more so if they knew that I am
going to see you tomorrow! A thousand greetings to you all. Your E.
19.12.40 Liebes Haseken! Last
Monday was one of the most beautiful visits we have had. You three looked so
healthy and little Peter was quite enchanting. It is amazing how much the boy
has developed since I saw him last. And the news that the other two have not
looked so glowing and healthy for a long time is so pleasing. School really
seems to agree with them. – The dice have rolled with regard to Christmas
privileges.
1. On Christmas Day, 25/12/40 visiting time
is from 8 to 12.
2. On New Year’s Day, 1/1/41, also visiting
time from 8 to 12.
3. These extra days do not affect the
normal visiting days.
4. Then we have pushed through that we will
get food rations like in Orange and Hay, meaning butter, bacon, cheese, jam
etc. and that permanently, not only as a Christmas privilege.
Unfortunately meeting on the lawns or at
tables like in Orange could not be achieved. I talked about it with the Boss
for quite a while and he strongly advised us not to make such a request.
Visiting privileges are already very generous compared with Orange or Hay and
were we to put in a request of this kind there would immediately be questions
about how visiting hours were being handled at present and the result would be
that they would insist on the exact times here too and possibly put up chicken
wire, ‘Let sleeping dogs lie.’ And we could only agree with him. We have to be
satisfied with that. That would mean that we have the following visiting hours:
25/12
Wednesday from 8-12
27/12/
Friday as usual
1/1/41 Wednesday from 8-12
3/1/41 Friday as usual.
Tomorrow you will then have to tell me how
you want to arrange our meetings. I’ll have to leave that to you entirely. I
would suggest that you don’t come on 25/12
since there will probably be a big crowd and the children will want to
play with their things and you and Gisela will be tired. But do as suits you
best.
Can you perhaps bring some lametta and a
few glass balls on Monday and also a few little candles. Only a few. I would
like the texts of a few Christmas carols too. We want to sing carols on
Christmas Eve and nobody knows the words. We will type them on the typewriter.
‘Silent Night’, ‘O du fröhliche’. ‘Es
ist ein Ros entsprungen’, ‘O Tannenbaum’
and whatever else Gisela can suggest. – On Monday Baker is to make suggestions
for the Christmas bonus. I can’t judge it from here. Please bring along six
10/-sh notes next time. In addition, bring flowers on Monday, as you would
probably have done anyway. I can’t buy anything for Gisela and suggest you give
her a ‘children’s bonus’ of £5. I would also be happy with £10. By the way, is
she still getting her pocket money regularly? –
20.12.40
I had intended to
continue this letter but I am being employed almost all day in the office of
the Boss as typist and general secretary. So more next time.
Today it’s pouring
outside and I feel sorry for you that you have to drive all that way in the
rain. I hope the windscreen wipers are working. A thousand good wishes, Your E.
23.12.40 My dear Haseken, dear Gisela! This
Christmas letter will only be short because I have been very busy since
Irmhild’s last visit. It sounds funny writing that from the camp. But I
completed the drawing of Rossi with a great deal of effort and everybody thinks
that it is a very good likeness. Rossi himself is the most delighted of all,
which leads to the assumption that I have beautified him. Last night in my cell I started writing a Christmas tale for the
children. It was fun and after the electric light had been switched off I
continued on by candle-light. I hope the children like it. I would like you to
read it to them tonight since it is to prepare them a little for the fact that
I won’t be there tomorrow. Or rather, first read it yourselves, for you might
find that inappropriate for practical reasons of some sort.
Unfortunately I now have only the two
drawings for Irmhild and the fairy-tale for the children and for Gisela what
Irmhild and I agreed upon in our last consultation. It will be hard for all of
us not to be together tomorrow but in our thoughts we and those on the other
side of the globe will be together all the same. Pass the evening happily and tell
me all about the children next time. A thousand greetings to you both and warm
Christmas kisses to all five of you. Your Ekke
27.12.40 Mein liebes süsses Haseken!
What a joy when you came quite out of the blue on Christmas morning. I hadn’t
expected you and hadn’t even guessed there could be such a surprise visit, so
that you actually succeeded in ‘catching me asleep’. You looked lovely and
Janssen made you the most flattering compliments afterwards. He couldn’t stop
giving detailed descriptions of your beauty, your freshness and your elegance.
And eventually he became yellower and yellower with envy that I have such a
wonderful wife. Gisela had better look out because ‘he has set his mind on
her’. But I must say, if it has to be somebody, better the Norwegian, although
he has no money and Janssen a lot of it. Janssen is too much of a merchant for
my taste, not masculine enough and far too caught up in the old world of
materialism and individualism. But this is all purely theoretical. – I am
awaiting your visit today with some trepidation in order to hear from you how
the children are. I hope they don’t have whooping cough. That would be a big
worry for you. Brose is going to write up a precise treatment for me with the
relevant medicines (homeopathic) and with the various dosages for the
children. If it is not whooping cough all the better. The book on naturopathy
says to give children only a small amount to eat but a lot of fruit juices
(oranges, lemons, limes) and if the fever is not higher than 100- 102 degrees
sponge them down every two hours and if it is over 102 then apply moist
compresses around the chest and possibly the neck and change these when they
become dry and warm. That would enable them to sleep peacefully. –
Now I want to tell you a bit about our
Christmas festivities in prison. On Tuesday afternoon the young man from
Hamburg, Schant, and I decorated the Christmas tree which you brought in on
Monday. Along with the tinsel you gave us, all the branches were covered with
cotton wool so that the tree really looked quite nice and winterly. Then Brose,
Janssen and I set the table nicely and decorated it with chocolates, nuts etc. and
also flowers. Several plates with treats were prepared and at six o’clock the
little silver bell was rung. (A knife against a bottle.) Everybody came except
Schreiber who was sick in bed. Menu: tinned tongue, salad, sliced pineapple
with sugar, cheese, sausage and bacon and to finish off, ice-cream and fruit-salad
(from tins). Everything tasted wonderful and at the table things were
beautifully harmonious for the first time. ‘Oh du fröhliche’, ‘Silent Night’
and ‘Oh Christmas Tree’ were sung standing while I lit the Christmas tree which
looked very fine and had the proper shape. To finish off, we sang old soldiers’
songs and then Meier gave an address in which he thanked those who had prepared
the festivities so nicely and then asked everybody to raise their mugs for a
hearty ‘Siegheil’; what was to be cheered he didn’t say, probably the Christmas
tree, the mugs were empty too, but that didn’t faze him. The two Jews were not
invited on the pretext that this was a purely Christian religious festival. But
I had taken poor Joseph Herrmann a parcel with treats and a candle (a most
desirable item) beforehand and he was very appreciative. On Christmas Day you
then came early and that was my best Christmas present. I unwrapped the other
presents at 9pm in my cabin when I was alone; thank you, my dear, a thousand
times for the beautiful presents and thoughts. The chess figures are perfect
and the books marvelous, particularly that by Jeans, and the ones from Gisela
and from Xavier. The latter I have read and I could keep on reading it all over
again. I haven’t started the Jeans yet and only had a brief look at Gisela’s
book. That one will be started tonight and yours when I have finished the other
book by Jeans. The shirts are great. And the underpants too. Handkerchiefs and
tie are perfect, not to mention the bits and pieces. Grete’s cake tasted better
than any apple-cake I have ever eaten. Tell her that and also give Xavier my
thanks. You have all really spoilt me. At 10pm the light was turned off and
then I had to think of my Haseken and imagined us standing on the veranda, I
with my arm around you, and I had a tremendous yearning for you and all you
stood for, that is children, home, love and friendship. Hopefully it won’t all last
too long.
On Christmas Day the Italians decorated the
hall with colored paper and had their feast at midday, to which they invited
all the Germans except Meier. Of course we couldn’t accept because the
exclusion would have caused a rift among us and given rise to all sorts of
unpleasantness. So he invited only Brose, Janssen and myself as his personal
guests. We accepted and had a nice feast with superb food which the Italian
women had brought in. The result was great agitation and disgruntlement among
the Germans that we and not they had been invited and also among the Jews. It
was a real revolution and the waves of outrage surged high. Consequently I then
decided on Thursday to grab the lion by the tail and convened a meeting for
all. In it I explained that initially everybody except Meier had been invited
because Meier had repeatedly insulted Rossi and the Italians in a very tactless
and insolent manner. Meier denied this but when I called in Rossi, he had to
admit it. Everyone then demanded that Meier apologize, otherwise .... He did so
and Rossi accepted his apology. Everyone agreed that I had acted properly and
Meier was given a serious warning. The business has been sorted out and now
peace reigns once more until the stinker Meier thinks of something new again.
The Jews have also calmed down. Now we want to celebrate New Year all together.
In the meeting I suggested to vote whether we shouldn’t invite the two Jews,
who always eat by themselves in their cells, to come to our table. It was a
secret ballot. The result: 7 no, 3 yes, 2 indifferent. I was surprised at the
result.
So, my dear, I’ll be seeing you soon and
only hope that you’ll bring me good news of the children. A thousand loving
wishes to you all and many thanks again for all the wonderful Christmas
surprises. Your E.
`
29.12.40 Mein liebes Kerlchen!
There is not much to report since your last visit on Friday. It was lovely for
me, even though the two of us did not get much time together, because I could
see the two children who both looked very well in spite of their runny noses.
Both have developed quite a bit since I saw them last and have grown and become
sturdier. I hope the ogre of whooping cough passes us by because particularly
in the case of Peter it can’t be taken too lightly. I am anxiously awaiting
what you have to tell me tomorrow. You warmed the heart of Herrmann with your
friendly smile and your whole appearance. He hasn’t stopped raving about you
and the two children but particularly about you. He claims to have been quite
blinded by your beauty. It’s nice to hear something like that. Oh my sweet
love, I have such a great longing for you. I wished this were over soon and I
could come back home to you. I love you so very much and yearn for your
tenderness more than ever before. I sometimes try to imagine the day when the
gates of this prison open and we will all be free. That will be an emotional
upheaval hard to bear. If one could only know when that great day might come. I
am even looking forward to driving in the car with you at the wheel. And then
the first evening at home with you sitting comfortably in the library! And one
or two good bottles of wine! – On Friday evening three Italians were released
from here. One of them was the one sitting next to us in the visiting cell on
Friday, on the other side of Herrmann. He had already been informed
unofficially and he was telling his wife. But she wouldn’t believe him. Then when
we came back into the hall it was announced to him officially so that he
arrived two hours after his incredulous wife. You should have seen the joy of
those three. One was so pale he looked as though he might faint any minute. If
that happened to me so unexpectedly, I would know better things to do than to
faint. But unfortunately that won’t happen to me before the war ends and only
god knows when that might be. The flowers you brought me last time are
absolutely beautiful. I have made two fine big vases with them. One of them I
lent to Dr. Brose overnight because his red roses have faded. During the day
they are on our dining table or in my cell. –
I have almost finished Gisela’s book. It is
very interesting and well written and in parts also very depressing and
unpleasant. A lot of things can be understood much better in relation to this
country if you read about the times and the people of the early colonial
period. Many things have not changed at all. And then the beautiful poems of
Ian Mudie that speak of a completely new era. But I am afraid that the ‘new’ is
still in the distant future. Please give Xavier my thanks again and tell him
how happy I was to get the book. Without doubt he and Mudie are of one mind.
But how many of these people are there? Sometimes I think he is right ‘that
this land is doomed’. The average standard of the people here is so low and the
intellectual inferiority and stupidity so overwhelming.
Greetings to you all from your E.
31.12.40 My dear Haseken! Now it is eight in the evening and we are all
locked into our cells again and in four hours it will be New Year. You will
probably both be so tired that you won’t stay up till twelve. But I will be
thinking of you, my dear and imagining you lying in the big bed and hopefully
sleeping peacefully without worrying about the children or being sick yourself.
It is a beautiful picture to imagine you like that. In my last letter I
completely forgot to wish you all a happy and peace-bringing New Year. So I am
doing it now and have only one wish that we can be reunited again in 1941 and
that this terrible war will come to an end, and that afterwards we will find
the others all healthy and well when we can hopefully go on another trip to
Europe and see everyone again and show off our war-child Pitt and the two
others who will be quite ‘grown up’ by then. I can’t say more but you know exactly
what I mean. Tonight, or rather at nine tomorrow morning all those at home will
be thinking of us as we will be thinking of them and our wishes will all be the
same. That should be a force strong enough to achieve something! Let’s have faith
and trust in that and this will make it easier to await the time when we can
communicate again. And the certainty that we both know that we love each other as
much as two human beings can love each other, that we are happy with our three
children who have turned out so handsome and well and that we are grateful for
what you and I were allowed to experience in the seven years since we met and
married must sustain us. Those were years rich in experience and even though
the present time is a little difficult for us because of the separation, we
both know that we are lucky compared with millions of others in Europe. I have
to tell you too that I am happy and proud that I have such a brave and sensible
Haseken and above all a wife who is so decent and faithful and so clean in
every respect and who can be a comrade in these difficult times as none better
could be found in the entire world, also not among men. You and I, my beloved,
we understand each other and nothing must ever come between us that could
estrange us. As it was in the last seven years so it shall be in the next year.
Friday in eight days, on January 10th, we will have known each other
for seven years, seven difficult and happy years that were rich in experience.
We should really celebrate that day just like our wedding anniversary. I hope
I’ll still be in Long Bay then so that you can visit me. Let’s keep the date in
mind.
9.30pm: I have just discovered that some
fairy has softly, inaudibly pushed open the bolt of my little room. Through the
peep-hole the eye of the fairy looked in and winked. A short military salute
and everything was okay. – Later, after ten, when the lights are turned off, a
dark figure will flit through the corridor with soft, soundless steps, will
quietly push back three bolts in a well practiced manner, two further ghosts
will quickly dart across the corridor and disappear just as quickly in No. 10
and then sit together by candlelight whispering softly and listening as the
great wheel of time flings around on its axis to begin a new cycle, a new year.
And then the four ghosts will raise their mugs with ‘tea’, will spread a little
‘jam’ on their bread and drink to the fulfillment of all the wishes that are in
their hearts. Later they will then make a similar noiseless and spectral
disappearance, three bolts will again be shut noiselessly while the fourth
bolt, which is mine, will stay open. In the morning Rossi’s cell No.1 will be
opened first, he will then run like a whirlwind to No. 9 and pretend to open
the bolt and (hopefully) no one will notice. The four specters are Rossi,
Brose, Janssen and I. We won’t say any more about the fairy because they should
not really exist in prisons. A caption for all this: New Year’s Eve Ghosts in
Prison. We Germans didn’t have a general celebration but the Italians had caps
and whistles and behaved like seven-year-old children. The noise was
ear-splitting! Towards evening a new German by the name of Peters was brought
in. They had to arrest him on New Year’s Eve of all days. He is nice and
sensible and should be a good new ‘acquisition’. Now we are 15 Germans along
with the two Jews, the Englishman and the Yugoslav. –
1.1.41
Now it is evening again. The first day of the year
is almost over and the first official announcement we have received is that all
of us, all 50 except for the two Jews, will be transported off to Orange on
Friday morning and that there will be no opportunity to inform you women or to
see you beforehand. We are all very upset about it. At our request the Boss is
going to ring V.B. and ask whether we can’t at least inform you in time on
Friday. I hate the idea of leaving just now when I know that you people at home
are not very well and whooping cough is still a threat. Now I suppose you will
try to move closer to Orange with the family. Brose knows a nurse who has
worked for him and who is supposed to be very nice and would probably like to
move to the mountains with you and help you, not only with the children but
also the household. Her name is Sister Armour and you can reach her through
Mrs. Brose, i.e. her address is: Dorchester House, Macquarie Street. If she
can’t come, she would know somebody else. Please try. Employ a help anyway,
even if it is expensive. The most important thing is that you stay well and
don’t become sick. It will cost more to restore you to health than to forestall
a collapse in this way. For please, please, Haseken do everything for yourself
to keep yourself well. I am so damned helpless in this camp and you are the one
in the family who carries the greatest load of responsibility. Under no
circumstances must you collapse. If no one else can be found what about Mrs.
Herbert in an emergency? She could do the cooking and the shopping so that you
would only have the children. If necessary take Ruth; she’d be better than no
one. Of course the best would be Inge. Perhaps she would agree after all. –
Please don’t visit me too soon in Orange; first let everybody get well again or
settle down in Blackheath or wherever. But please write a few short lines
immediately and say how you are and what you are planning and what your
intentions are. And write regularly, just briefly, how things are going from
time to time. Perhaps brevity will also speed up delivery through the censor.
Janssen asked me to send Gisela this powder compact. When you have received it
let me know immediately and I will know that you have received this letter. If
the letter is in it say: ’I received your beautiful Xmas present, the powder
puff with new Year’s greetings. Then that will mean this letter. – Please bring
the following things to Orange some time or send them with someone else:
1. Short khaki trousers, if possible two
pairs.
2. My red bathers.
3. The Christmas shirt I sent back last
time.
4. Photos of the boys. (I sent mine to
Mother.) But only if you have copies ready at home.
Mrs. Brose was going to bring vitamin B1
tablets on Friday. Now you will have to get them yourself. But please do so.
They work miracles. All work and exertion will be ten times easier for you. –
In future I will have my washing done in Orange. They now have a laundry.
5. Ask Moore to pay £10 into my account at
Orange.
That’s all I can think of at the moment.
Even though the story about the ghosts of
New Year’s Eve was written two hours earlier, it all happened just as expected.
Only, when I was locking up Rossi two warders from the women’s prison who were
just wishing each other a happy New Year caught sight of me and one of them
called out really loudly: ‘What are you doing out of bed!’ – And then when I
put my finger to my mouth the other one said: ‘Happy New Year anyway!’ I waved
my thanks to her and crept back crouched under the peepholes of the cells. She
must have told the nice warder in the morning, for he came in at six and
quietly closed the bolt to my cell. ‘No one noticed!’ But we had fun and our
mugs with your ‘miserable tea’ were raised to the health of all our loved ones
and a speedy reunion.
The lunchtime feast today, for which we
wanted to push all the tables together, unfortunately didn’t happen due to the
same stinkers as on the occasion of Christmas. But Liciardo, the Italian, had
invited Brose, Janssen and me to a home-cooked meal. Brose and Janssen went but
I had to stay at the German table, gulped down my food and when everybody had
finished and the meal was officially ended
I went over to the Italians, where I had to consume the entire six
course meal, which admittedly was extremely tasty. Afterwards I felt like a
boa-constrictor who has swallowed an ox by mistake. The fact that I first ate
at the German table and then went to the Italians privately was considered to
be ‘correct’ and consequently there were, thank goodness, no further
repercussions. A moody woman is nothing compared with our stuck-up wingers.
Now I’ll finish off. I hope to see you
again in Orange, my love, and don’t come till you can tell me that you are
completely well again and there’s no cause for worry about the children either.
Once again all good wishes for the New Year to all of you in Collaroy and a
thousand greetings and kisses. Your E.
11.2.41
Now I am back in Long Bay. ‘It was like coming
home!’ Again the accustomed dirt, about 200 men and the usual racket. Trikojus
says correctly: ‘It’s like being on the waterfront in Naples.’ It was so lovely
of you to drive the long way to Orange in spite of your stiff neck and cold to
see me on Sunday. I felt so sorry for you that you had to drive back all that
way alone. It would have been so nice if we could have driven as far as
Blackheath together. – At night we then
had a musical evening and around nine I got ready to go to the station and was
farewelled with ‘He’s a jolly good fellow’. I had four guards with five
cannons. One cannon (alias rifle) was taken along by mistake. I first thought
it was intended for me. There was also the usual ‘tea’ and at the station in
Sydney the elegant and handsome warrant officer from Bourke Street and two
Military Police picked me up; all of them were quite short, even rude. In Long
Bay, however, I was welcomed with open arms and enthusiasm. Apart from Tric and
the old Jew Herrmann there were four new Germans, unknown entities but very
nice, and a revolting Czech. All four of them left for Orange this morning with
7 Italians. There are about 200 men here and the dirt, noise and stench are
nobody’s business. The first night I spent on the floor in the cell of Maier
who is very nice and very clean and who had just washed out and disinfected his
cell. From today I have the cell to myself. – Tric is very nice and is quite
sure that he will be released. Lisuscha gave birth to a little boy thirteen
weeks ago. They are well. Both are taking Tric’s internment in a sensible and
brave spirit. Sadly Tric has told me that he and Brose are lethal enemies, i.e.
he against Brose for Brose knows nothing of this and has only good feelings
towards Tric. He will probably tell me the reason one day. It is a great shame.
Probably Tric will stay here in Long Bay till his court case comes up. Herrmann
almost embraced me for joy and now makes coffee for me all the time. I have
just been told that you have rung and have arrived safely and without any
incidents. Williams is on leave for another fourteen days and Cameron, who wasn’t
there when you called, said that if you rang up again tomorrow he would permit
you to see me, which is very nice! I am also expecting Moore some time soon. –
Do you think you might bring little Peter along with you tomorrow? I can hardly
wait! –
There are also six young Jews from
England/Hay who are waiting for a ship to Palestine. They showed me about a
hundred very good and interesting photographs of the Jewish youth migration
movement to Palestine. Three of the Jews were very decent types. – What Tric
had to tell me was very interesting too. It is certainly not boring here. –
Tomorrow I’ll see you and perhaps little Peter! How I’m looking forward to it!
Your Ekke
15.2.40
It was a great pleasure to see you and
Xavier yesterday. You looked very sweet and pretty in spite of your cold and
your preceding worries about Peter, and I can only assure you that I am proud
of having such a beautiful wife whenever I see you. And a wife who is also more
or less the most sensible and efficient of all. I haven’t got sick of the
little straw hat and your suit and am delighted by them every time I see you.
[...] I was also very pleased to see Xavier. He never says much but what he
says makes sense or is an experience well told. His description of Uwe who
wasn’t allowed to come along to Long Bay was marvelous. I am also really glad
that while he first wanted nothing to do with the children and considered them
only a nuisance, he is now apparently showing great interest in them. It is
also a comfort to me that he has made it his mission to look after you and I also
liked his statement that the arch-enemy is a coward. But I do want to mention
the matter when I see Moore, without asking him to undertake anything right
away. It is also important that he should know who is responsible for the fact
that I was imprisoned after ten months. I hope he soon has the opportunity to
see Spender. I don’t place high hopes on their discussion, am also a bit
worried that Moore is ‘not quite pushy enough’. But perhaps he will achieve
something in his own quiet logical way.
I am still on very good terms with Tric. He
simply can’t understand why he has been imprisoned because, like Brose, he is
not aware of any transgression. But he has the advantage at his trial of the
University being on his side and the B.M.A. not against him. He wants nothing
to do with Brose and is surprisingly hostile to any attempt at mediation. He is
horrified at the idea of perhaps being in the same camp as Brose. He hasn’t
told me the reason for this violent personal hatred. Strangely enough, it is
Brose’s enemies who are his best friends, those who are responsible not only for
him being arrested but also not released. I think that he is under the
influence of these people in his assessment. He doesn’t want you to ring his
wife or otherwise make contact with her under any circumstances, which I can
understand. She and the thirteen-month-old son are well and she is not in need.
She is also sensible in the way she has accepted the arrest of her husband. If
we go back to Orange it will be difficult for me to be caught between him and
Brose, in particular because Brose is not in the least aware of serious enmity
on the part of Tric. On the contrary,
Brose is looking forward to seeing him again and expressed regret at his internment.
16.2.41 This morning we were told that we will be moved to Liverpool on
Monday morning. [...]
It is really terrible that we have to be
separated for so long. As we admitted the other day, for a limited time it
[separation] was quite good for both of us so that we could each prove
ourselves independently. But if it is too long the good effect could be lost. I
have the feeling that the children, too, badly need me. Unfortunately, there is
nothing to be done and we just have to ‘suffer it’, as the folksong says. I can
give you one piece of good news, namely that I am now definitely part of the
‘permanent staff’ at Liverpool. The Captain has organized it with Victoria
Barracks. I have to look after the Germans here and apart from that I have the
task of providing the camp so amply with firewood that none has to be bought. For this purpose
four of us or of the Italians go out into the bush each morning with a corporal
and fell and saw wood which is then brought in with a horse and cart. I have
now been out four or five times and find that the heavy labor is doing me a lot
of good. The first few times it was difficult to saw a big tree to pieces with
the long band-saw. But now I am in training and could go on doing it for hours.
[...]
Yesterday a representative of the
International Red Cross was here, Dr. Morell, and Rossi and I had a long talk
with him. We didn’t have much to complain about for things are fine here and
our treatment by the soldiers is decent and can’t be faulted. But we discussed
with him the project of finding a way to be with our wives and suggested that
he might present our suggestion to General Miles. I once told you about it. I
suggested that we could plant pine-trees or do forestry work, perhaps in the Kosciusko
region. It is quite possible that we will be able to discuss this with the
General in the near future. But keep it to yourself, as we are not talking to
others about it at the moment. Anyway, Morell was interested and altogether
very nice. What he will achieve is another matter. Usually these visits end
with the disappearance of the visitor.
The Commandant told me that he had asked
you to come on Wednesday rather than on Thursday, since Tric and I along with a
corporal (Kelly, whom you gave a lift to the other day) have to take poor crazy
Barry to hospital on Thursday so that he can be examined there by specialists.
For Barry is in a state of mind where he could easily become dangerous. He is
obsessed with the delusion that American gangsters have murdered the mother of
his bride and for this reason he has to go to America to take revenge. To do
so, he is also building the most phantasmagorical rocket-planes with motors as
long as the entire camp and he knows down to the last penny what it will all cost.
He keeps on drawing plans in the sand. But at night he is busy with the
‘killer’, is constantly running up and down the veranda and imagines stabbing
him to death; to make it more realistic, he acts out the scream of the fatally
struck ‘killer’. You can imagine that our nights are not undisturbed,
particularly as he sleeps on our side of the veranda. It seems to be my job to
look after the poor madmen, just the same as with Sally E. a while ago.
27.3.41 Today we were supposed to go to town with our poor loony: Tric,
Corporal Kelly and I. The ambulance had been ordered for 1.30 pm and the
doctors who were to examine him had been informed a week ago. At 1.30 all of us
were standing at the gate ready to leave; what didn’t arrive was the ambulance.
After a telephone call we were told that the military hospital was not
responsible for internees [..] As though they couldn’t have told us that a week
earlier. – There we stood with our madman. It had been difficult to convince
him that he needed a physical examination as he had to be declared fit for
service if he wanted to go to sea again. It then required even more
psychological prowess to convince him that this was now no longer necessary, at
least not for the moment. Tric and I, and the madman too, were dressed up,
bathed, freshly shaven and had polished our boots. Now we stood there, ‘all
dolled up and nowhere to go’.- So we put on our work clothes again and Tric and
I proceeded to saw up the huge log which we brought in yesterday while the poor
madman walked up and down like an animal that had just been caught in a cage
and cursed the ‘killer’ and mentally stabbed him with wild gestures. The
organization of the departments that want to have something to do with us and those
that don’t is really amazing. If it weren’t so annoying for people like us it
would be worthy of a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. With few exceptions, all those with whom I
have had anything to do up to now would have got the sack on day one or two if
they had been working in my office. – But the excursion may take place after
all because Captain Bass is determined to have the poor madman examined and
will not rest till he has found the right Department. – Last night our loony
gave me a lecture about his philosophy of life for several hours and also told
me that he was writing a book that was more substantial than Faust. He then
showed me a poem from it and gave me permission to copy it. It is quite strange and will be of interest
to Herbert.
Last night we have had the first new inmate
for some time. Again a Belgian from some ship whose crime consists of having
attempted to get back to Belgium, where he has an old mother and a wife and
children from whom he hasn’t heard anything for ages, and this with the help of
the German Consul in New York. The poor fellow is very depressed and on top of
that he is sick. He gets on well with our other Belgian.
15.2.41. Old Mr. Finckh, who was locked into cell 13 on the 13th February,
is completely bewildered why he, at the age of
74, has been arrested. On the first day we were quite worried about him
since he apparently has a weak heart but today he has started to get used to it
and is taking it like a young man. He is still amazingly fit for his age and
told us some nice episodes from his
life; among other things that his grandmother as a young girl had sat on
Goethe’s lap when he read out Hermann und
Dorothea in their house. When she then married, she called her first son
Hermann and that is his (Finckh’s) father. He also told us that as a boy in
Freiburg his father had flown hot air balloons. Once a balloon had drifted into
a vineyard on the other side of town. When they wanted to retrieve it an old
gentleman, the owner of the vineyard, came rushing out threatening them with a
stick and chased them away. This old gentleman was the father of the famous
Count Zeppelin.
31.3.41
He [the new arrival] reported that the camp in
Tatura is not very pleasant, full of cliques and that the relationship between
internees and soldiers is not at all good. They are all really enjoying this
camp in comparison. [...] On Sunday 70 Italians came from Hay. The camp is full
to bursting. We are now 201 men. But on Tuesday a whole lot will probably leave
for Hay and Orange.
[Brose] says that everybody in Orange has
the ‘release-complex’ and that all those who have faced the tribunal believe
that they will be released. But up to now only Schurz has been freed, rather,
he is still here and can only go when his papers arrive. They are travelling
the road of red tape and it will probably take a while before they find their
way to Liverpool. Janssen has given up hope and Wohlmann has received news that
he has to stay inside. Rossi has also been told that ‘he must stay interned’.
He is sensible about it.
Barry will probably be taken to an asylum
soon. He has put a cudgel in the form of a huge stick next to his bed to defend
himself against the ‘killer’. I hope he doesn’t mistake one of us for the
killer one of these nights. Schurz is probably being released because of his
eyes.
2.4.41 Yesterday Barry was interrogated by a military doctor who could
convince himself that he was cuckoo
without any doubt. He will probably be taken to the Reception House in the near
future. .
Otherwise there is not much to write about here
other than that we are daily annoyed by the fact that we have only three brooms
for the entire camp, one ax with an intact handle and one with a broken one.
The pitchforks are about as large and useful as dining forks and the shovels as
teaspoons. You get annoyed, then you say shit, and that’s the end of it.
Thank you Silke for sharing your story & that of your family, so valuable to us as part of history & in the present also :).
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